The power of appreciation
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Seeing others more fully
So one of the benefits of expressing appreciation is that it allows us to see others more fully. When we are prepared to really be mindful of another person, without self-blinding judgment, then we start to notice things about them that we were previously only dimly aware of.
And I know from my own experience that sometimes I underrate myself as well. Sometimes I delete an awareness of my own positive qualities, and when someone rejoices in my merits, then I am forced to see myself in a more positive light. Then I can begin to value those positive qualities in myself and begin to nurture them. If I find appreciation so useful, then why should I deny it to others?
Having your own positive qualities reflected back at you can, paradoxically, be very painful. Sometimes we find it hard to accept that we are not worthless. It can be hard to be made aware of qualities that we then have to live up to. So notice times when you are resistant to the positive perceptions of others. Beware of false modesty and of shrugging off the compliments that others give us.
Without appreciation, our positive qualities must struggle to grow, and even to survive. And the same is true for others. The more appreciation we express, the more likely it is that we will create a climate of appreciation in which we will ourselves flourish. But giving appreciation so that we will get some back is not the point. If we’re acting from metta we shouldn’t be so concerned about what we get back. In the same spirit of metta, though, we should not be afraid to ask for appreciation when we feel we need it. We are all worthy of appreciation.
Comments
Comment from helena guo
Time: February 21, 2008, 8:59 pm
Just found your site, enjoy it.
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