If a strong emotion comes up I think the emotion has to be addressed in some way. At least it has to be acknowledged.

In meditation, I take the tack that if something keeps demanding our attention, then we need to give it our full attention. The emotion becomes the object of our meditation practice. It may not always be appropriate in everyday situations to do that, but at least you can acknowledge what’s going on and come back to it later.

Kathaleen: Your panic attacks may be either a chemical imbalance, or a form of PTSD. I lean towards PTSD only because you mentiones anxiety. That mention goes a long way towards it being stress/PTSD related. Some psychotherapists will recommend mindfulness meditation as a treatment option. I would recommend a more modern version, but this isn’t the right place to discuss it.

Andrea, dropping mindfulness practice for a short time is better than frustration building until you stop practicing all together. Instead we can focus on non-practice related activities for a few days. Let the mind meander, then in a few days turn the focus towards the mind and it’s mental processes. Explore some of the insight meditation practices. Insight meditation, when done properly and you actually gain insight, brings a natural mindfulness into your life. The whole of Buddhist derived practices revolve around “the middle way”…not to tight, not too loose. For some reason modern day practitioners tend to want to tighten the screws all the time.

You say “anger is not suffering” but this is neither traditional nor does it fit with my experience. You say that it’s running from or clinging to that is suffering, but anger is itself a form of running to or clinging to something we want or do not want to happen. It’s certainly better to be mindful of anger than not to be mindful of it, but if we’re mindful of our anger we’ll see that there is suffering tangled up in our anger.

I also did not say that “mindfulness is about letting go of certain emotions and cultivating others.” In fact I never mentioned the word mindfulness in what I wrote to Andrea.

Certainly, being mindful of and exploring our anger is one way to deal with it. But to say it’s “the way” is narrow, and potentially dogmatic. The Buddha offered a full “tool-kit” with which we can deal with unskilful mental states (see this sutta, for example), and to suggest that only one of those tools is legitimate would be unfortunate — even if to do so in certain vipassana circles is common these days.

I’m sorry to hear you’re having these difficulties. There’s nothing inherent in meditation practice, of course, that says that anger, or any other emotion, is “wrong.” It’s simply that some emotional states tend to lead to suffering, and others lead to greater fulfillment. It’s not a case of “right” and “wrong” but of “doesn’t make me happier” and “makes me happier.” And we’re not, ideally, repressing anything, but simply letting go of unhelpful emotions and trains of thought, and instead choosing to cultivate more positive ones.

What’s going on with you is simply that habits you have are being brought to light. This is ultimately a positive thing, even if it’s uncomfortable, since you can’t learn to deal with those habits unless you become conscious of them. But of course you have to be conscious that repression is what *you do* rather than blaming “the practice.” The practice, after all, is not a thing external to you, but is simply what you do.

So I’d suggest that you look for more acceptance and patience as you work with yourself. I don’t know if you’re doing lovingkindness meditation, but it’s very useful for helping us be less self-critical.

You might also find mantra meditation useful, since it’s not so much about “doing anything” with our experience, but more about simply opening ourselves up to the experience of the mantra.

Lately when I try to apply mindfulness in my daily life, I feel like I’m controlling myself or more specifically, repressing myself. Ultimately it makes me angry with the practice, because I don’t think I should repress any of my feelings, to the point of not wanting anything to do with meditation any more. It makes me feel like I’m rejecting myself, or telling myself that what I’m feeling is “wrong” and instead of being for example, angry about something, I should repress that and force myself to be calm instead. I understand mindfulness is not about control, but rather awareness, however it is very hard to distinguish it when I try to put into practice, and it only frustrates me. Is there any advice you can give me please? Thank you.

I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that we permanently move into a state of “only feeling sensations in the body.” It’s very useful to do this for periods of time in order to quiet the mind, but there’s a value in thinking as well. And actually, what I’ve found is that by getting out of those “whirlpools of thought,” genuine creativity arises. When the mind is cluttered with unnecessary thinking there’s no room for creative thoughts to arise.

All the best,
Bodhipaksa