Creating harmony: “Seek to understand…”

Steven Covey, in his excellent book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, highlights the value of practicing the habit of seeking to understand others before we seek to make them understand our point of view.

I think he expresses very clearly what is an important principle that can help us take our practice off of the meditation cushion and into daily activities.

Have you ever witnessed two people arguing, although they are both agreeing with one another? They may have a slightly different emphasis on the way they are saying things, or using a slightly different way of expressing themselves, yet they are arguing as if they have completely polarized and irreconcilable differences. You’ve probably done this yourself, although of course it’s easier to spot the absurdity of the situation when other people are involved. So what’s going on here?

Often what is happening is that each person is so intent on getting the other person to accept his or her own point of view, that they are not really listening to the other person at all. Often they’re arguing against what they think the other person is saying rather than against what he or she actually is saying.

And it can be even worse when there is a real difference of opinion, of course. Often we can demonize the other person and his or her point of view. This happens all the time in the great debates about religion, abortion, divorce, drugs, etc.

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