Mindfulness of the truth
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Bringing mindfulness into our speech
We benefit from practicing lovingkindness, or metta, not just on the meditation cushion but in our daily lives.
And one powerful way of expressing metta towards ourselves and others is to practice truthful speech.
It’s interesting to become more aware of why we’re untruthful. Sometimes it’s for gain (for instance exaggerating our role so that we gain praise); sometimes it’s because of fear (we thing that if people know the truth we’ll lose their esteem); and sometimes it’s out of ill will (we want to hurt someone). When we start to consider that when we lie we’re like puppets having our strings pulled by these negative emotions of craving, fear, and ill will, honesty becomes a kind of freedom.
Sure, there are times when it’s best to leave thoughts unspoken - we need not only to practice honesty but also to practice kindness. And we need to speak at the right time. Trying to make “helpful” suggestions, no matter how well intended, can backfire when the other person is stressed or otherwise upset.
But one of the main kinds of truthful speech that we need to practice in order to bring more metta into our lives is something very simple. When we’ve done something hurtful to another person then we should be prepared to apologize or to confess what we’ve done.
The art of apology
Apology can be a form of meditation in action. Apology is being honest with another person about something we’ve done to hurt or disappoint them. And actually, when we’re apologizing we’re also being honest with ourselves.
Have you noticed how often we rehearse lies and half-truths to ourselves? Ever done something like this? We’re on our way to meet someone and we left the house a little too late to get there on time. Plus, the traffic’s heavy, and so we find ourselves saying internally that we’re sorry we’re late but, boy, was that traffic bad. Recognize this?
Being untruthful, whether it’s an exaggeration, an omission, or a downright lie, happens because of fear, craving (we want to get something or we crave approval), or ill will. Being untruthful is bad for us in part because it reinforces the hold that these negative emotions have on us.
Back to that example from above, we often construct little alternative realities for ourselves to hide our failings. So when we apologize (honestly) to our friend for being late we’re not just telling them the truth, we’re also acknowledging to ourselves what the truth is. Some people construct such elaborate systems of alternative realities that they start to loose touch with reality all together.
Sometimes these attempts at self-justification take over our meditation practice so that over and over again we find ourselves drawn back to fantasy rather than sticking with our present-moment experience. One way to help let go of these repetitive cycles of painful fantasy is by apologizing, and another is through confession.
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