Tips to help you deal with pain
The tips that follow are aimed at helping you to accept your primary suffering and reduce your secondary suffering.
- See if you can stay in the present moment as much as you can. Whenever you notice that your mind has wandered off into the future or the past, gently bring it back. This doesn’t mean you can’t think about the past or future, but try not to get too caught up with these thoughts.
- Investigate the process you call ‘pain’. You will notice it is in fact a mass of sensations, not a thing. Get to know it as actual, felt experience, rather than getting too caught up with thoughts about it. Notice how it is always changing from one sensation to another, no matter how dense and solid it may feel.
- Move towards the pain. See if you can soften around any resistance you may feel towards it. This is counter-intuitive but if you try to ignore it or push it away, it will just scream louder. Use the breath to help with this (see meditation that follows).
- Kindness and gentleness are crucial. Treat pain as you’d treat an injured loved one. See if you can find a tender attitude of heart.
- Once you have gently acknowledged the pain you can then broaden out your field of awareness to look for any pleasure that is also going on in the moment. Notice experiences such as sun on the skin, being with a loved one, noticing flowers by the bed etc. There will always be something pleasurable in your experience, no matter how subtle. Let the pain be just one of several things you are aware of in the moment.
- With this honest, tender attitude to all the shades of physical, emotional and mental experiences in the present moment you can then choose how you respond to things. This is the point of creativity – how we respond/act in this moment sets up conditions for the next moment. You can always insert a moment of choice no matter how far down the line you’ve gone into distress and anguish.
- Any moment can be an opportunity for learning if we come back to the actual sensations of the present moment rather than getting lost in thoughts and reactions. See if you can let both pain and pleasure be held within this broad perspective: neither contracting tightly against pain nor clinging tightly to pleasure. Allow all sensations to come into being and pass away moment by moment.
About Vidyamala
Vidyamala is a co-founder and director of Breathworks, a company offering ‘mindfulness-based strategies for living well’.
She runs courses in Manchester UK for people suffering from chronic pain and illness, teaching them how to optimize quality of life using meditation and other mindfulness-based strategies. She also is involved in running a training program for those wishing to deliver the Breathworks programme in other localities.
She suffered a spinal injury in 1976 and has used meditation and mindfulness to manage her own chronic pain for many years.
Vidyamala’s CDs of guided meditations — developed as part of her Breathworks pain management program — are available for sale in our online store.
KindleComments
Comment from Ekaterina Trinquart
Time: July 2, 2007, 9:08 am
Dear Vidyamala,
I would like to thank you for the tips and advice on your website! I am about to give birth for the first time and have been battling with pelvic & pubic bone pain for the past 4 months or so. Your words are like a mind-lotion to me! I am not that experienced in meditation, just one of the many things I am interested in, but your website has definately given me something to look forward to and accept the birth of my child as a delightful experience and not excrutiating pain! I am going to pay a lot more attention from now on! THANK YOU AND BE BLESSED!
Comment from Vidyamala
Time: July 2, 2007, 2:12 pm
Dear Ekatarina
How lovely to receive your comments! I am glad that my words have helped you deal with the pain you are experiencing. I had a friend who had similar pain and it eased up after the birth, so I really hope this is the case for you too. And you’ll have this wonderful new being in your life. If you want to try meditating you could try the CDs I have made, available from the Wildmind site.
Best wishes to you, Vidyamala
Comment from Megan
Time: November 12, 2007, 2:40 pm
Your words have helped me deal with emotional pain I have been having. My perspective has changed and I feel that I have the ability to accept it. Although it keeps coming back, it lessens every time. Thank you.
Comment from Bijan
Time: November 25, 2007, 12:43 pm
I cant thank you enough for the tips that were placed onto the site. It has given me a form of understanding over the emotional pain ive been going trough for the past month. Thank you
Comment from gabriel
Time: February 20, 2008, 1:12 pm
yes you are a very wise person thank you for sharing with the world i found this by fate and it has helped me
i had an impacted wisdom tooth
and had surgey to have it pulled
the pain is great but when i focus on your technics THEY WORK !!!
thank you
Comment from Ingrid
Time: August 21, 2008, 7:01 pm
I came across this page because I am a long distance runner, and I deal with pain all the time. I couldn’t believe it, but these techniques somehow lessened the pain. Thank you so much. I took 30 seconds off my 5k time, and I think I owe it partly to you!
Comment from Kim
Time: October 21, 2008, 5:59 am
Dear Vidyamala
Thank you for Posting this. It is indeed true and it helPed me to systematically dissolve the Pain in my heart.
Today has been one of those suPer bad terrible days. I feel heartache and alot of rage and injustice.
I’m at work right now trying to let it Pass.
If you can read this mail. And if anyone else can talk me out of this misery.
Comment from Michele
Time: October 22, 2008, 11:28 pm
Dear Vidyamala
I’m trying to follow the steps in your meditation but am stuck. I can’t seem to move towards the pain, or treat it tenderly. I still see it as the enemy and have a lot of negative feelings towards it because it’s stopping me from living my life and trapping me in my room. How do I work through this? Thanks
Regards,
Michele
Comment from vidyamala
Time: October 31, 2008, 9:16 am
Dear Michele
I am really sorry I have not replied sooner but I’ve been away. It is very hard to treat pain tenderly! I know this so please don’t give yourself a hard time if you see it as the enemy still. The way I see it is that it is a very GRADUAL process – we might have one moment of softness and then 100 moments of tension; then maybe the next day have 2 moments of softness and 100 moments of tension. The key is perseverance, not giving up and the way to bring about change is through practising meditation. I would really recommend daily body scans. This way you don’t have to try and do anything to move towards your pain – it just happens through doing the practice. Very gradually you’ll find your attitude changing through regular body scans. You can get a download or CD from wildmind. Good luck!
Vidyamala
Comment from Sandy
Time: November 3, 2008, 12:47 am
I have had back knee and neck pain for almost 3 years, listening to these cds help lessen my pain but when I am done listening to the cd’s I still fight with anger of being in pain, being in a wheel chair and being imprisioned in my home due to the pain, hate going out because everytime I do leave the home my pain is greater gradually I hope to figure all this pain out to some how treat myself with more respect and learn my limits and just be able to learn how to live with the pain and still have peace in my life with 2 young children
Comment from vidyamala
Time: November 17, 2008, 8:26 am
Hi sandy
thanks for writing and the best of luck with everything! It takes time to come to terms with these things, but every bit of mindfulness practice helps!
love Vidyamala
Comment from Matthew
Time: February 15, 2009, 9:13 am
Hi Vidyamala,
This is exactly how I have intuitively lived with 7 years of agonising central cord pain and pain from a highly unstable cervical spine which has resulted in me being completely incapacitated; it’s wonderful to see it all here.
If you would not mind I would like to quote these points on my own blog crediting you for writing them so well (http://www.1inspire1.blogspot.com/).
Bless you and all the best in your life’s journey’s,
Matthew
Comment from vidyamala
Time: March 1, 2009, 8:13 am
Hi Matthew
thanks for taking the time to write. It is of course fine for you to quote my points on your blog. Good luck with everything and be as well as possible.
Vidyamala
Comment from Michael Mitchell
Time: March 20, 2010, 4:05 am
I would like to thank you for the simple thing of keeping me from allowing my pain from a broken and betrayed heart lead to me becoming vengeful and uncaring towards the world. Yesterday I wanted to kill myself due to all the pain I held inside, but promised myself I would wait at least a week to help sort this all out and decide on such a permanent drastic course. After reading your very short, yet truly insightful reading on pain I have come to realize that not only would it not help me to cause the woman I feel harmed by pain, but that my pain is survivable.
I won’t go into the details of it all but I thank you, truly and honestly you have blessed me and I offer you all the heartfelt appreciation I have to give.
Comment from Vidyamala
Time: March 24, 2010, 2:46 pm
Dear Michael
I was so moved by your post and thank you for making the time to write. I hope that some of the pain has eased by the time you read this. It was such a huge moment in my life when I realised that I only experienced my pain one moment at a time. and what’s more: the present moment is not only bearable, but potentially immense and bountiful when I stopped fighting and hating my experience. So much of my suffering was being caught up in past and future in my mind (ideas of pain stretching relentlessly into the future etc). But these were just that: ideas. They were not real in terms of my actual experience which only happens one moment at a time.
Good luck to you and may you be as well and happy as possible…in all the moments.
vidyamala
Comment from MICHELLE
Time: April 1, 2010, 3:17 pm
Dear Vidyamala.
I have had pain in my face now for 4years. I have seen ear nose and throat doctor, neurologists, pain specialist, oral surgeon and I have had acupuncture. I have had 3 mris. The pain at times has made me feel like I don’t want to live. I am married with two children and there are times that household chores feels to much. With this complaint I sometimes have a week were I don’t feel it to much and I think I’m better. I haven’t worked for three and a half years and I don’t get any incapacity benefit. My husband works hard and I feel useless because I am not bringing any money in. I had a good week last week and I applied for a job as a home carer, I have got a interview next Tuesday. I told my husband. Since then my pain has come back and I don’t know what to do. I told my husband that I was very confused about how I felt and he told my more our less to still go for the interview. But I am worried that I won’t be able to concentrate because of the pain. I really don’t know what to do. I now wish I hadn’t to him about it.
Thanks. MICHELLE.
Comment from Vidyamala
Time: April 12, 2010, 3:16 pm
Dear Michelle
Many thanks for writing. It sounds like you have such a lot to deal with and it must be very hard. Maybe just reaching out has helped a little? In my experience I have been surprised sometimes by how little things can help…sometimes we can’t change the big things – like having a choice to live free from pain, or change our personal circumstances, but there are lots of tiny little things we can do within the structure of our lives that can make a difference. maybe you could try introducing a body scan into your daily routine just to give you time to let your body relax. Or you could do a 3 minute breathing space every hour. Just 3 minutes stopping can be amazingly calming and rejuvenating. These practices are available from wildmind. Did you go for the job interview? I hope it went well if you did.
thanks again for writing.
vidyamala
Comment from Riana
Time: September 23, 2010, 10:31 am
Dear Vidyamala,
I’m so pleased to find this site. I’ve been struggling daily with chronic throat pain and discomfort since swallowing a piece of tough apple peel ‘the wrong way’ over six months ago. An ENT specialist could find nothing amiss, but instead prescribed a powerful drug normally used to treat neuropathic nerve pain. I felt instinctively that this was wrong. When my GP wanted to triple the dose, I came out of the surgery in tears and decided that I would tail off the drug instead and try gentler methods. I believe the problem will go in its own good time, and filling my system with toxic medication is using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. (And why won’t doctors listen to what the patient is actually saying to them?!?)
I’ve already noticed that during yoga or tai chi classes, the discomfort fades. Yet during ordinary daily activities, I’m struggling. And just this morning I realised that when I try to control the pain – that’s when it controls ME. Discovering your site with its gentle advice is a blessing. Every time I feel myself getting angry, fearful or depressed, I will remind myself to practise mindfulness instead! Thank you.
Comment from Vidyamala
Time: October 7, 2010, 5:00 pm
Dear Riana,
many thanks for posting your message on the Wild Mind site. It sounds like you’re having a very difficult time and who would have thought that an innocent apple peel could cause so much trouble for so long. It must be very hard to come to terms with this. It sounds really good that you’re not hammering your body with medication as the first port of call. And it’s interesting that when you do yoga or tai chi the discomfort fades. I’m really pleased that you’re finding mindfulness useful and you may be interested to read my book http://www.amazon.com/Living-Well-Pain-Illness-Suffering/dp/1591797470/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1286485171&sr=8-1 or to use the guided meditations that are available here http://shop.wildmind.org/home.php?cat=38. I particularly recommend the body scan to start with as this is such a good way of relaxing the body and coming closer to your actual experience.
Thanks again for writing and I really wish you all the very best,
Vidyamala
Comment from Tomas
Time: August 13, 2011, 6:41 pm
Dear Michelle
I recognized my inability to handle discomfort lead to a very disturbing mental civil war. However, after following your tip to dive into pain using my breath I reached a win-win situation as my emotions were acknowledged and I could get on with my purpose.
Thank you Michelle and I believe in you, Tomas
Comment from Brendan
Time: September 13, 2012, 8:44 pm
I have very aggressive CMT. My pain is not fleeting nor temporary. It is not a sensation I can externalise. It is neuropathic and intense. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. I appreciate the general Buddhist stream of though, that our bodies are merely electrical conduits and that all of it is transient. It’s wise, it’s insightful, and it’s intelligent.
But I would like to point out that pontification alone can not ease some burdens. Some suffering is too real, immediate, and constant. So for anyone else for whom this meditative trick didn’t work, please go get oxy or something. Force of will can also be a force of ego
Comment from Vidyamala
Time: September 14, 2012, 6:28 am
Hi Brendan many thanks for your comment. I agree that many of us need meds as as meditation. Meditation is complementary, not alternative. I take several different meds for my pain, which includes neuropathic pain and I know my life would be much worse without them. But with mindfulness I manage to take fewer than I would otherwise. The meds get the pain to a level where I have some sort of space in my mind and then mindfulness kicks in as a way to improve quality of life. So thanks for pointing this out as my article may have given the wrong impression that meditation is not compatible with medication. Many of us need both!
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