Comments on: Being an introvert in an extroverted world http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert Explore Meditation Online Thu, 09 Sep 2010 14:12:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Attainable goals for 2009 | Stanley Dankoski http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-92632 Attainable goals for 2009 | Stanley Dankoski Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:22:33 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-92632 [...] been for the last five-plus years. This ongoing goal is to find other avenues. I’m a textbook introvert, so this will be a [...] [...] been for the last five-plus years. This ongoing goal is to find other avenues. I’m a textbook introvert, so this will be a [...]

]]> By: Sunada http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-91036 Sunada Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:27:16 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-91036 Hi Cameron, Sorry for the delay in responding. I've been away on retreat. I think the main thing I've learned about being an introvert is that there's nothing wrong with us, and we don't need to push ourselves to be like our extroverted peers. When we struggle to do something, it only reinforces our feelings of inadequacy and fuels the cycle of negative thoughts. Rather than pushing yourself to talk, what if you reflected on ways that you could accept and love yourself more as you are? And simply enjoying being with your friends when a group conversation is going on, whether or not you're able to contribute? Doing practices like the Metta Bhavana are helpful for that. When you are genuinely enjoying being with people, they can tell. And then you don't need to try to prove anything by forcing yourself to do anything. When you're in the moment and enjoying it, I'll bet your wish to talk will emerge more naturally, in your own introverted way. Best wishes, Sunada www.mindfulpurpose.com Hi Cameron,

Sorry for the delay in responding. I’ve been away on retreat.

I think the main thing I’ve learned about being an introvert is that there’s nothing wrong with us, and we don’t need to push ourselves to be like our extroverted peers. When we struggle to do something, it only reinforces our feelings of inadequacy and fuels the cycle of negative thoughts. Rather than pushing yourself to talk, what if you reflected on ways that you could accept and love yourself more as you are? And simply enjoying being with your friends when a group conversation is going on, whether or not you’re able to contribute? Doing practices like the Metta Bhavana are helpful for that. When you are genuinely enjoying being with people, they can tell. And then you don’t need to try to prove anything by forcing yourself to do anything. When you’re in the moment and enjoying it, I’ll bet your wish to talk will emerge more naturally, in your own introverted way.

Best wishes,
Sunada
http://www.mindfulpurpose.com

]]> By: Cameron http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-90772 Cameron Fri, 23 Jul 2010 07:48:35 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-90772 Sunada, First of all, thank you for deciding to revisit your old struggles as a way of helping others. That is truely a selfless act and I sincerely respect you for that. As of now, I am a 19 years old male and in these past few years I have come to realize that I'm a huge introvert. After accepting this idea I've realized that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Being the intovert I am has given me a huge advantage in decision-making. Most all of my peers are learning lessons the hard way. They are getting involved in premarital sex, drugs, alcohol, and other easily avoidable temptations. The ability to look around at others and not repeat their mistakes is a blessing given to us introverts. However, the reason I looked for your article was because of the negative externalities dealt by introversion. I love interacting with others. I feel like our purpose here on earth is to build relationships. Unfortunately, I almost always feel like I'm at a loss for words. This can depend on the situation (how comfortable I feel, the person's personality whom I'm communicating with, my fluctuating confidence, etc) but even around my siblings and closest friends I may experience this. My main problem as an introvert is that I get lost in my own mind and struggle to get out. Many times when I enter a group conversation it is not pleasurable but instead work. I immediately feel that i must contribute to the conversation every 30 seconds or so otherwise people will start to wonder why i'm so quiet. Once I take longer than a few minutes to contribute to the conversation that's usually when my racing mind consumes me. It starts making me feel inferior to those around me and searches for another who is quiet. I find comfort in being around others who are considered "quiet" or "shy" or at least appear that way in the moment. I'm actively pushing myself to overcome this problem of getting lost in my own thoughts but I almost feel like every step forward is two steps back. I always told myself that I will gain confidence with age but that is not doing the trick. The work starts now and I'm more than ready to push myself, put myself out there, and be in nervous situations to overcome my insecurities. But I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. Sunada, I love your article and honesty. If you have any tips or suggestions I'm all ears! Sunada,
First of all, thank you for deciding to revisit your old struggles as a way of helping others. That is truely a selfless act and I sincerely respect you for that.
As of now, I am a 19 years old male and in these past few years I have come to realize that I’m a huge introvert. After accepting this idea I’ve realized that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Being the intovert I am has given me a huge advantage in decision-making. Most all of my peers are learning lessons the hard way. They are getting involved in premarital sex, drugs, alcohol, and other easily avoidable temptations. The ability to look around at others and not repeat their mistakes is a blessing given to us introverts.
However, the reason I looked for your article was because of the negative externalities dealt by introversion. I love interacting with others. I feel like our purpose here on earth is to build relationships. Unfortunately, I almost always feel like I’m at a loss for words. This can depend on the situation (how comfortable I feel, the person’s personality whom I’m communicating with, my fluctuating confidence, etc) but even around my siblings and closest friends I may experience this. My main problem as an introvert is that I get lost in my own mind and struggle to get out. Many times when I enter a group conversation it is not pleasurable but instead work. I immediately feel that i must contribute to the conversation every 30 seconds or so otherwise people will start to wonder why i’m so quiet. Once I take longer than a few minutes to contribute to the conversation that’s usually when my racing mind consumes me. It starts making me feel inferior to those around me and searches for another who is quiet. I find comfort in being around others who are considered “quiet” or “shy” or at least appear that way in the moment. I’m actively pushing myself to overcome this problem of getting lost in my own thoughts but I almost feel like every step forward is two steps back. I always told myself that I will gain confidence with age but that is not doing the trick. The work starts now and I’m more than ready to push myself, put myself out there, and be in nervous situations to overcome my insecurities. But I’m not entirely sure how to go about that.
Sunada, I love your article and honesty. If you have any tips or suggestions I’m all ears!

]]> By: Andy http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-56385 Andy Sat, 20 Dec 2008 13:52:11 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-56385 Thanks for the article Sunada. I like many others have struggled with my introversion. I'm now 44 and still work in a very extroverted IT environment - the culture is very brash and over-bearing. As you have said in your experience, my colleagues seem now to appreciate my hidden talents - tenacity, attention to detail and finding innovative solutions to problems. Unfortunately this takes time and I have had to put with a lot of negativity because I find my usual silence is so misunderstood - the typical extrovert is so shallow and crass. When I was much younger I took a personality test at work which showed me to be exceptionally introverted which at that time was coupled with very low confidence levels. I have been practising meditation since I was about 25 which helps reduce anxiety and promotes tranquility. I was brought up Catholic and still nominally am but my recent experiences and current reading (especially the Dalai Lama) is really showing me that I'm more Buddhist in my attitudes. Thanks for the article Sunada.
I like many others have struggled with my introversion. I’m now 44 and still work in a very extroverted IT environment – the culture is very brash and over-bearing. As you have said in your experience, my colleagues seem now to appreciate my hidden talents – tenacity, attention to detail and finding innovative solutions to problems. Unfortunately this takes time and I have had to put with a lot of negativity because I find my usual silence is so misunderstood – the typical extrovert is so shallow and crass. When I was much younger I took a personality test at work which showed me to be exceptionally introverted which at that time was coupled with very low confidence levels.
I have been practising meditation since I was about 25 which helps reduce anxiety and promotes tranquility. I was brought up Catholic and still nominally am but my recent experiences and current reading (especially the Dalai Lama) is really showing me that I’m more Buddhist in my attitudes.

]]> By: Rose http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-54389 Rose Tue, 25 Nov 2008 09:44:08 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-54389 Thank you Sunada, your words are a great help for me. Thank you Sunada, your words are a great help for me.

]]> By: Sunada http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-53826 Sunada Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:18:00 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-53826 Since writing this, I found another article from the Atlantic that addresses the same topic. Interesting reading: "Caring for Your Introvert" by Jonathan Rauch (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch). Best wishes, Sunada http://www.mindfulpurpose.com Since writing this, I found another article from the Atlantic that addresses the same topic. Interesting reading: “Caring for Your Introvert” by Jonathan Rauch (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch).

Best wishes,
Sunada
http://www.mindfulpurpose.com

]]> By: Sunada http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-53824 Sunada Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:03:46 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-53824 Dear Rose, Thank you for your comments. You asked if there's a difference between shyness and introversion. There probably is, but I'm thinking that the more important distinction is the difference between traits that we're born with vs. judgments and views we hold about them. From what I understand, introversion is a trait that we're born with and doesn't change much over the course of a lifetime. But thinking that there's something wrong with our introversion is a self-view that can change. Our world is full of introverts who have had a significant impact on our world, including Albert Einsten, Warren Buffet, Christina Aguilera, Johnny Carson, Al Gore, to name just a random few. They each found their own inner strengths and didn't let their quiet natures hold them back. Everyone has something of value to contribute, including you! I encourage you to keep up your meditation practice. I'm sure it will help you to gain confidence and find your own "voice" to bring out into the world. Best wishes, Sunada http://www.mindfulpurpose.com Dear Rose,
Thank you for your comments. You asked if there’s a difference between shyness and introversion. There probably is, but I’m thinking that the more important distinction is the difference between traits that we’re born with vs. judgments and views we hold about them. From what I understand, introversion is a trait that we’re born with and doesn’t change much over the course of a lifetime. But thinking that there’s something wrong with our introversion is a self-view that can change. Our world is full of introverts who have had a significant impact on our world, including Albert Einsten, Warren Buffet, Christina Aguilera, Johnny Carson, Al Gore, to name just a random few. They each found their own inner strengths and didn’t let their quiet natures hold them back. Everyone has something of value to contribute, including you! I encourage you to keep up your meditation practice. I’m sure it will help you to gain confidence and find your own “voice” to bring out into the world.

Best wishes,
Sunada
http://www.mindfulpurpose.com

]]> By: Rose http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-53805 Rose Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:07:43 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-53805 I recently find this site, and every day read a little of it, really thankyou very much, I find myself better after reading this article. I consider I'm a shy person, and everything you say describe exactly how I am and feel. Is there any difference between shyness and introversion? The way Iam haas always been a big problem for me, now Iam 45, but feel I have lost many years only for my fear. I've never been able to have a job, althiugh I studied in University, I take care of my children and home, but I feel unfullfilled. Now I am trying meditation everyday, and have great hope that I'll feel better . Thanks again. I recently find this site, and every day read a little of it, really thankyou very much, I find myself better after reading this article. I consider I’m a shy person, and everything you say describe exactly how I am and feel. Is there any difference between shyness and introversion? The way Iam haas always been a big problem for me, now Iam 45, but feel I have lost many years only for my fear. I’ve never been able to have a job, althiugh I studied in University, I take care of my children and home, but I feel unfullfilled. Now I am trying meditation everyday, and have great hope that I’ll feel better . Thanks again.

]]> By: Sunada http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-50575 Sunada Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:25:48 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-50575 Thank you, Steve and Khandro. Khandro, you certainly are NOT a weirdo! I would think your time by yourself is an important place for you to be right now, as you try to heal from the loss of your husband. That makes perfect sense to me. I hope it helps you to find some peace in your heart. Best wishes, Sunada http://www.mindfulpurpose.com Thank you, Steve and Khandro.

Khandro, you certainly are NOT a weirdo! I would think your time by yourself is an important place for you to be right now, as you try to heal from the loss of your husband. That makes perfect sense to me. I hope it helps you to find some peace in your heart.

Best wishes,
Sunada
http://www.mindfulpurpose.com

]]> By: Khandro http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/being-an-introvert/comment-page-1#comment-50541 Khandro Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:11:20 +0000 http://www.wildmind.org/?p=3289#comment-50541 Thankyou for addressing this issue. I am such an introvert and have become even more so since my husbands sudden death by murder 4 years ago. I have been so very stuck there with him and not able to move on. and part of me thats the introvert I guess does not care but the other part the part of pictures and images sees my life being okay someday and with maybe some other person or in a place of my own. I find the hardest thing is to think about anything when others are around but I can honestly say that my practice has saved me every time and the teachings I have had have reminded me that I am better off out of the samsara of life when I can go there which I tend to do a lot I mean just go off in my head a lot because I mainly don't want to be around those I am around orthere is too much for me to do so I go away for a while, some people may call this disa ssociation but I had a therapest tell me once it was my unique tool and my way I being in the moment, so I thankyou for the reassurance that I am not a weido because I am not out there in the world like most people I know I have my practice and I am so grateful for that because that is where I find just me and I am okay with that. Thankyou again Thankyou for addressing this issue. I am such an introvert and have become even more so since my husbands sudden death by murder 4 years ago. I have been so very stuck there with him and not able to move on. and part of me thats the introvert I guess does not care but the other part the part of pictures and images sees my life being okay someday and with maybe some other person or in a place of my own. I find the hardest thing is to think about anything when others are around but I can honestly say that my practice has saved me every time and the teachings I have had have reminded me that I am better off out of the samsara of life when I can go there which I tend to do a lot I mean just go off in my head a lot because I mainly don’t want to be around those I am around orthere is too much for me to do so I go away for a while, some people may call this disa ssociation but I had a therapest tell me once it was my unique tool and my way I being in the moment, so I thankyou for the reassurance that I am not a weido because I am not out there in the world like most people I know I have my practice and I am so grateful for that because that is where I find just me and I am okay with that. Thankyou again

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