You’re right, there are no easy solutions. But I think we can also make things more difficult for ourselves than they need to be. If we think about all this as one giant concept and look for a one-size-fits-all solution to it, then we’ll end up talking ourselves into endless confusing circles. I think the Buddha’s approach was to look at each situation on its own terms. There are times when we’re feeling quite strong, capable, and self-confident, and so we reach out and help others in a selfless way. But there are other situations where we’re perhaps not so confident, or touching on an issue that is particularly sensitive to us. At times like that, we need to acknowledge our own limits and back off as needed. For us to step forward when we’re not capable would be an act of foolishness. It’s what Chogyam Trungpa calls “idiot compassion” — when our foolish (and ultimately self-centered) desire to help is greater than our ability to offer it.

So I guess that’s the only thing I can say. Drop all the concepts of right vs wrong, compassionate vs selfish, self vs other etc, etc. I think concepts just get in the way. Instead treat each case individually, and mindfully respond based on what’s the reality of each situation. How do we best help alleviate the suffering in this situation? On balance, what would do the most amount of good, and the least amount of harm? And I’d ask this not just of myself, but of everybody involved. (Sometimes the best thing for me to do is to back off and let others take care of it.) If we’re really in touch with ourselves and the reality of the situation, I think we’ll know what the most appropriate response is.