A belated thanks for your kind comments. I am really struck by the breath and depth of your self-awareness. You’ve clearly gone through and are still going through a lot of hard times, and yet your way of speaking implies a presence of a steady core of awareness, and yes, equanimity, through it all. Yes, there is guilt and depression and all those things. Understandably so. But it sounds as though you’re making an effort to take positive steps forward, and not let your past determine your future. By continuing in this vein, I would think that a positive opening will happen sometime, somewhere. Good luck to you as you sort all this out.

Best wishes,
Sunada
http://www.mindfulpurpose.com

I am struggling now with being separated from my wife and family, and with unemployment and debt at the same time. I long to reunite with my family, and my wife shows signs of being willing to reconcile with me — we have been getting together briefly and having very honest, compassionate talks together. I am struggling toward being someone my wife can forgive — that’s my intermediate spiritual goal – for it was my unwise actions that led to my predicament.

So I struggle for equanimity even as I pursue these goals. And I strive to sort out my intentions, too. For in part, my desire to be forgiven is a desire to relieve my own guilt. As compassionate as I try to be toward the man who chose so unwisely not so long ago, and as much as I know the causes for what happened were many and partly out of my control, I still suffer guilt.

So your remarks on goals and metta are particularly well-timed for this reader. Thank you.