Most of our thoughts are self-referential, even if they’re about other people, because they’re about our judgements and whether we like or don’t like various experiences we’re having.

Ultimately all spiritual practice, from living ethically to deep experiences of meditation are to do with letting go of our self-referential tendencies.

More and more I think the core of practice is simply to be with (be mindful of) our sensations and the immediate feelings of pleasure, displeasure, and neutrality that are associated with those sensations. The difference between this and how we are normally is that we let go of the patterns of thinking and emoting that are our usual responses to those gut feelings we have. There’s just sensation and feeling surrounded by mindfulness, and in the mindful space we create arise wise and kind actions.

And this doesn’t involve being anything other than we are. It means we stick with the core of our experience and stop struggling against life.

Would you have any practical advice to give to someone who was trying to apply this to their lives and change from self-referential or self-conscious thoughts (That they’re weird, they don’t belong, that they don’t like this or that about themselves) to something different…? I’m a bit lost as to how we’d apply this insight, and as to how we can lessen craving and grasping tendencies when we so want to crave and grasp because we won’t feel safe without it. I know the usual tendency is to remind yourself of things that are “good” but I somehow don’t feel that’s a very complete approach – if anything it just seems to enforce the need to be something other or more than what we are.