Lovingkindness meditation
The Metta Bhavana, or Development of Lovingkindness, practice is one of the most ancient forms of Buddhist practice, one that has been passed down in an unbroken line for over 2,500 years.
The practice helps us to actively cultivate positive emotional states towards ourselves and others, so that we become more patient, kind, accepting, and compassionate.
It’s part of a series of four practices which lead to the arising of lovingkindness, compassion (empathizing with others’ suffering), empathetic joy (rejoicing in others’ wellbeing and joy), and equanimity (patient acceptance of both joy and suffering, both our own and others’). The metta bhavana is the foundation practice for this series of meditations.
The practice, leading as it does to the realization of compassion, is central to Buddhism, to the extent that the Dalai Lama has said “My religion is kindness.” While this statement may appear almost platitudinous, it’s actually indicative of something profound about spiritual practice.
Much of unhappiness comes from the desire to be happy at the expense of others. It’s really very ironic that in grasping after happiness in this way we end up causing ourselves pain. It’s like sticking your hand into what you think is a cool stream in order to find relief on a hot day, only to discover that the water is boiling.
Buddhist theory teaches, and Buddhist practice demonstrates, that happiness comes from empathizing with others and from seeing their wellbeing and their suffering as being important as our own.
It’s not that we set aside our own needs entirely and become martyrs in the popular sense of the word, but that we recognize that one of our needs is to help others meet their own needs. In meeting our need to help others meet their needs we find that we become happier: a layer of self-induced (and selfishness-induced) suffering starts to dissolve.
Realizing this and working it out in our lives through the practice of kindness is a major part of Buddhist practice. In fact we could say, as the Dalai Lama implies, that developing a sense of connectedness with others and overcoming selfishness is the essence of the spiritual path.
Comments
Comment from stephani faulkner
Time: June 14, 2007, 1:21 pm
i have a question: what if when you’ve set aside your needs, even things you want to do, to help better another’s life. and still unhappiness looms? my situation is that i have done that then the individual i try to help will then soon after yell at me and pile all her negative and unhappy feelings on me. no matter what i do, even when i do nothing but bve there i am still treated that way……i guess my question is this: why even if i try to me others needs am i unhappy. i am not trying to seek my own personal gain at their expense.
Comment from Minx
Time: June 19, 2007, 1:37 am
Maybe the lesson here is that your practice is never going to enable you to control other people. That negative, dumping person is just going to do their thing - and that is not within your control. What *is* within your control is how you react to their behaviour. You do not *have* to become unhappy in reaction to their behaviour - you can choose to react in a variety of ways to their behaviour (from, say, thumping them to showing huge amounts of compassion - it’s a long scale!).
Their unhappiness is their problem - it does not have to be yours, or result in any disquiet for you. Hopefully your practice will help you find that quiet place between reacting and choosing your response so that you can choose not tohurt yourself when you are around this person’s behaviour.
Peace to you,
Minx
Comment from Bodhipaksa
Time: June 19, 2007, 6:22 am
Hi Stefani,
I think it’s important to remember that the first stage of the metta practice is about cultivating lovingkindness for yourself. This involves recognizing and valuing our own needs — and only then do we go on to cultivate lovingkindness for others.
We don’t stop with cultivating metta for ourselves but neither to we cut out that step and just start sacrificing ourselves for others. If we do start trying to meet others needs without taking our own into account then we’re going to become very unhappy — we try in effect to “buy” other people’s affection by negating ourselves and taking only their needs into account. And we probably try to buy love in this way because we’re not giving it to ourselves.
Now we can look at ourselves doing this and then use it as an excuse to beat ourselves up even more, but I think it’s wiser to recognize that underlying every action we take is a desire to achieve wellbeing. Deep down we all have a desire for wholeness and wellbeing. Even our misguided actions — like ignoring our own needs — are just failed strategies for finding happiness. But the underlying desire for wholeness is still there, and it just needs to find better strategies.
Comment from Ivana
Time: August 9, 2007, 3:52 pm
Hello Stephani.
Try this-Sit at home, relax, breath on Your nose slowly, and then visualize Avalokiteshvara going down from the top of the head of person You are trying to help, through the head, neck-throat and down to the heart simultaneously reciting mantra Om Ma Ni Pad Me Hum. Leave Avalokiteshvara in the heart of the person. And “leave to Avalokiteshvara to finish the job” for You, when the right time comes …When You are near that person, do not talk too much, just breath slowly for You and that person. She\he will calm down…but do not give too much importance to anybody, it is feeding their ego, and the reaction is opposit of wanted. Everything is illusion and dreamlike…Greetings from Serbia.
Comment from sangos
Time: February 28, 2008, 6:03 am
I personally use this imagery to idealize Buddha’s metta practice…Christ dying the most horrifying death on the cross and yet he says ” Father forgive them because they do not….”, what can be a greater edition of ‘extreme’ metta. If I can achieve even a tiniest fraction of that level I guess I will experience the Brahma viharas!!!
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