I would recommend doing mindfulness of breathing and metta bhavana on alternate days. They complement each other, and without doing both there’s something missing in our practice. Certainly, you won’t be focusing on each practice in the same way you would if you were only doing one of them, but if while walking you decided to use one leg, you wouldn’t move as effectively as if you decided to alternate your focus and use both :)

All the best,
Bodhipaksa

I have been doing mindfulness of breathing every day for about two weeks now. I have felt great benefit from it.

I have only practiced lovingkindness meditation once or twice, largely, I think, because of time constraints.

Would you recommend alternating sessions of mindfulness and lovingkindness each day, or instead to add lovingkindness onto mindfulness of breathing meditations?

I just worry if i add lovinkindness to my usual breathing meditation I will not be sufficiently focussed on either.

Somebody I immensely love, treasure and cherish, who also cherished me in countless ways and was my best friend, confidante and soulmate now detests me. The only point of difference between us is that my love for them was romantic in nature in addition to everything else, and their’s was not they said – but for a long time we knew this both of us. But following a huge breakdown on their part one day they absolutely detest me. They have cordoned me out of their lives. They treasured and cherished me very much and did a huge amount for me.

i am stumbling, fragile, helpless and lost. The loss of such a great presence in my life can be handled – but the sheer awareness that I am so toxic to them is debilitating me. I feel such guilt that my presence in their lives caused them such pressure.

Is there anything I can do to transform the situation, even if just for myself?

Thanks.

There are books that teach you how to write without engaging your “inner critic.” On is “Wild Mind” by Natalie Goldberg. She explains how there are two components to writing — creation and editing — and how if you allow your inner editor to comment on what you’re writing the creative part of you never gets going. She employs the practice of timed writing where you cannot go back and edit and you have to keep writing whatever is in your head. This technique disengages the inner critic and gives your creative side an opportunity to express itself.

for as long as I can remember I have had problems with writing getting things out of my head on to paper. At school I was in the loest grade classes unable to partisipate. It was as if I was not there, I was unable to engage. My parents had their own problems and gave up on me unable to talk to any one for years I lived in my head. I still have this problem of not being able to formulate my words and get them on to paper. I realise that when it comes to wrtting every thing in my mind seems to shut down and I feel fearful. I have looked at this and I am probably fearful of not being able to get it right. I meditate and use minfulness in my day to day life and this has helped me a lot but I am still unable to put my thoughts on paper in a meaninful way they come out randomly and I have to spend hours trying to organise them to make sence. I have looked at affect regulation and realise I probably have problems with regulating my fight flight mode. any sugestions.

Best wishes, Keith

As far as I’m aware, there is no term for “free will” in Buddhism. Certainly Buddhist teachings recognize that we are able to make choices, but our ability to make choices is not “free,” but is subject to conditions. I can’t just decide, for example, that since I have free will I will choose to be perfectly happy for the rest of my life, or that I will never be angry again, or even that I will stop being in a bad mood once such a mood has arisen.

My ability to make choices is constrained in many ways, because of the conditioned nature of the mind. I don’t dispute that in theory the young people who are disrupting your community have the ability to change, but in practice it can be far more difficult. What values have they been taught by their parents and wider society? Have they been taught the value of empathy from an early age? Have they been expected, from an early age, to be polite and considerate? And if these things haven’t happened, how easy is it for them even to consider changing? Add in the fears around peer pressure (if you don’t do what your friends are doing you may be ostracized) and it may be very hard indeed for them to change.

I’m not saying this to excuse them. But it’s worth considering that if we had had their genes (those make a difference), their conditioning, their early experiences, and their social pressures, we might well have ended up acting in the same ways.

In terms of their suffering, I don’t think it’s hard to imagine how unrestrained behavior leads to pain. Some of these people may be fortunate and mature out of their atrocious behavior before they attract the attention of the law, but some of them may well end up in prison. People in prisons (despite what you may read in certain tabloids) are not generally very happy. I’ve taught in prisons for years, and they’re full of conflicted, confused, and frightened people.

Ultimately, when you’re wishing a person like this well, you’re wishing that they become more fully human, that they learn to take responsibility for themselves and learn to empathize with others. That’s what it takes to be well, to be happy, and to be free from suffering. Punitive rage, wich is what often arises when faced with this situation, doesn’t generally help anyone.

Anyway, I’ll leave if there since I find myself on the verge of a commentary on penal policy. I hope this helps in some way. I sympathize with the anxiety and anger your community is experiencing.