Carol, one of my meditation students, lives in a very noisy apartment in New York City. She wrote: “The subway train is right across the street, the police/fire station is right around the corner, and to top it all off there is a dance club on the bottom floor of my building! I’ve tried pretty much everything — earplugs, music, meditating at work instead of home — the only thing that really works is just to let it go and stop fighting it, but sometimes the noise will still yank me out of concentration.”
I replied as follows: “I think I used to live in that apartment, except that it was in the city center of Glasgow, Scotland. I think you’re on the right track by stopping fighting the noise. Take that one step further and appreciate the noise — embrace it. As you prepare for meditation, really notice and appreciate all of the noise around you.
Call to mind the living, breathing, feeling human beings behind the noise and wish them well. They’re not making noise in order to make your life miserable. They’re just getting on with their lives. And they’re all just like you; they’re beings who suffer, just as you do, and who want to be happy, just as you do.
Also see:
- Listening as a meditation practice
- Self-compassion: Lovingkindness squared
- The best way to calm your thoughts is to give them plenty of space
- Regard suffering as a mindfulness bell
So you can bear that in mind and repeat: “May all beings be at ease. May all beings be at peace. May all beings be kind to themselves and each other.” Stay in touch with your heart as you do this.
If you’re suffering — for example you’re frustrated or angry — then turn your attention to wherever your discomfort manifests most strongly in the body, and say instead, “May you be at ease. May you be at peace. May you be kind to yourself and others.” And once you feel that your frustration or anger are lessening, try turning your well-wishing toward others.
As best you can, accept the noise as part of your meditation practice. Stay loosely focused on your breathing, and let the noise be a sort of secondary focus of the practice — like the ring around the bull’s-eye. If you stop seeing the noise as the enemy of the practice and instead see it as part of the practice, then the conflict will vanish.”
Trying to fight the noise is unlikely to work. The noise is not going to go away because you don’t like it. If you respond aggressively to it then you’re just getting yourself into a fight that you cannot win. In that apartment in Glasgow I had a dance club across the street, a taxi stand outside the windows, and a washing machine through the wall from where I meditated. When the washing machine got noisy, for example, what I would do was embrace the noise, just as I suggested to Carol.
I’d take this even further. What I’d do was reflect that the noise of the washing machine was a perception that existed in my consciousness. Since the noise of the washing machine was in my consciousness, and since my consciousness was meditating, then I reasoned that the washing machine was also meditating.
Realizing this made the washing machine noise just another part of my experience, like the sense of weight on my cushion, or like my breath, or like the feelings in my heart. It was no longer something separate from me that was interfering with my practice, but was a part of my practice.
Doing this, such noises could cease to be a problem altogether, and actually seemed to enrich my experience of meditation. Of course the logic in the above paragraph may not be entirely sound! But the important thing was that in creatively finding a way to stop seeing the noise as an enemy and to start seeing it as just another part of my experience — and a possible aid to may practice — it actually became an aid to my practice.
There’s another approach that’s related, and which I’ve found useful. Often when I’m meditating I begin by becoming aware of the space around me. I very consciously become aware of the space in front, behind, and to the sides—even above and blow me. It can almost feel as if my mind is expending into the space surrounding me, expending even outside of the room that I’m in. (I’m not saying that my mind is actually doing this, just that it feels like that’s what’s happening.) I’m aware of the light coming through my closed eyelids, and of any sounds that are arising.
Rather than being an annoyance or distraction, any sounds that are present become an opportunity to be mindful. I’m practicing “mindfulness of listening.” I remain open and curious about the sounds. I let go of any thoughts that arise, in favor of paying attention to the sounds themselves. I can’t stop sounds, or make them change, or turn down the volume, so I simply accept them. I let them pass through the space of my awareness (which is the same thing as the space around me) without thinking about whether I like or don’t like them.
If there are pleasant or unpleasant feelings that arise in response to particular sounds, I just allow them to be there, but I don’t create stories, such as “I wish that sound would stop! How long is this going to go on!”
When I’m doing this, sounds no longer bother me.
How well does this work? One time I was visiting a friend’s house, and I wanted to take a nap. They warned me that there were roofers working on the condo, directly above my head. Sure enough, as I lay down in bed there was a constant “CHUNK, CHUNK, CHUNK” of nailguns, just a few feet over my head. Within minutes I was asleep and I had a delicious 90 minute nap!
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Thanks for posting this. I am in a garden level studio apartment with a parent, kid and dog wrestling all day above. If I dare sit, the meditation is all about releasing the reaction coming up to the noise. I start to release the tanha, etc that is leading to my irritation and supporting my identification. Then it’s just sitting. Until the next cycle of releasing my next irritation.
Hi, Sam.
I hope you continue to take the risk and dare to sit. At first your effort may well be, as you say, letting go of your reactions to the sounds. But with practice, especially if you learn how to have an expansive awareness of the sounds around you, you’ll find that you can simply let the noise be. There can be various stages:
1. Sit there getting mad at the person or thing making the noise; being completely caught up in reactivity.
2. As above, but when you notice you’re distracted you let go of the reactive thoughts, return to your sensory experience, and consciously allow the body to relax.
3. You may notice a jarring sensation in the body when a sudden sound happens, or perhaps an ongoing unpleasant sensation with a continuous sound, but you accept this with equanimity and the mind doesn’t react.
4. You’re aware of the sound but it doesn’t bother you. In fact it’s simply part of your meditation practice. You may even extend lovingkindness to the source of the noise.
5. You tune out the sound as you become more absorbed in focusing on something else in your experience (e.g. the breathing).
This takes practice, which is why I encourage you to keep sitting.
These qualities of nonreactivity are highly transferrable, by the way, so you’ll find that the benefits extend to other parts of your life.
Thank you for this advice. I am going to try…:)
Thank you very much for your quick response I’m really ready to conquer this and will put into practise your advice
Hi,
I’ve been struggling with anxiety for 11 years now, and it all relates to noisy neighbours: everywhere I’ve lived in that time (four places) has been next door to bad or noisy people — even when they’re quiet, I’m wracked with anxiety because I’m expecting noise.
My anxiety has gotten unbearable lately, after the neighbours have been incredibly noisy, and I’m now on anti-depressants. I haven’t tried meditation yet, but I’m so filled with anger at the people I’m not sure I could feel anything but hatred towards them. However, I also know I can’t keep on like this — I feel upset, fragile, anxious, afraid and more all the time.
Can you suggest the best meditations to start with, please?
I always suggest mindfulness of breathing and lovingkindness practice as the two places to start, Ky.
Hello!! I am struggling with noise form neighbour’s flat below they have some kind of fan which buzzes right through my flat – it makes me angry – i get reactive throw things about, all kindness and minfulness oy the window!
I’m not good at being assertive , so to worried to go down to thier door and dscuss it ill will building up, due to my reactivity about this droning/buzzing – I think i am hypersensitive to sounds ??
Any advice??
Derek
Hi Derek.
You’re probably going to have to communicate with them about this, so I’d recommend doing lots of lovingkindness meditation directed at your neighbors, so that you can see them more as people and less as enemies. Get yourself as calm as possible before talking to them, and rehearse it a few times. There’s no guarantee that they’ll be willing or even able to do anything, though, and so maybe you should also imagine the worst-case scenario (like them telling you to fuck off) and how you could respond kindly and calmly to that.
Also some self-compassion practice would help you deal with the distress of the noise for as long as it persists. That’ll help you be less reactive and throwy!
Reflecting on the nature of suffering, and on the two arrows might help. The noise sits badly with your nervous system: that’s the first arrow. Then you react by getting mad. That’s the second arrow: a massive amplification of the initial suffering of the first arrow. That suffering is completely unnecessary, so maybe you can imagine what it would be like to be free of it. What would it be like to hear the noise and not react? Imagine it, and it’ll become real.
Good luck!
Thanks Bodhipaksha, very helpful. and still not ready to approach them I met one of neighbours on stairs and stroked their dog but didnt have the right vibe to say anything I know that its my reactivity thats the real problem i need about twenty years of deep metta but i squandered my time away inth clubs!!
I am trying to sit more doing metta and mindfulness and avalokitishevra mantr (which i really love) so maybe some pathway will open)
They are probably not even aware of it but it sets me on edge1
Thanks and it was really moving to read about you adopting two kids, hope you are all thriving xx
Ky, how are you doing now? I have had similar situations. I am even bitter because I tried for a long while to get a house so I wouldn’t have neighbors on all sides of my walls.
Hi Bodhipaksa,
Many thanks for your response!
I’m going to read more on this site, and hopefully find a way to help myself be free of my constant anxiety.
Ky
I’m not talking about simple noise. I’m talking about screams as loud as they can be that hurts the ears. Is it really possible to meditate, study, live in harmony while such is happening?
Probably not, Pelapse.
I practice meditation, and it helps me relax when I take that time out, but afterwards I still get overwhelmed too easily. I take stimulant medication, and it has helped, but I will never be perfect. I have ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder characterized by overthinking to a point of absurdity, 2 teenagers, and am taking online college classes. I can not stand any noise except for some study music that I have learned to handle. I like the alpha wave music while studying and am convinced it helps to keep my mind from wondering. I always feel like I am running out of time for something and it makes my frustrations worse. I know that my anxiety seriously affects my memory, and I’m getting ready for midterm exams. I get upset and angry because, I have to read and reread, and have a hard time absorbing the information. I normally have no problem with sounds, and will turn background sounds into a song..but when I am studying it feels immeasurably difficult to think. I have so many things to do in my life, and I don’t have very much help from others, because my family is far away and my friends have their own kids and lives. I ask my kids to be quiet, but the length of time they must be completely silent is too much. They want to sing and laugh and do the things that kids do, but the walls are thin and I can’t just leave. I have tried turning up the concentration music, but I just feel so angry I want to put my fist through the wall..(not that I would, but I want to) I’ve gone to counseling, and understand cognitive behavior therapy, but I feel like noises are louder and more demanding of my attention than my inner dialogue that is reading and haven’t got a clue how to think my way out of being so distracted. This has always been an issue for me, and has caused a lot of frustration. When I am anxious it is usually the exact opposite..at those times my internal dialogue is so loud that I literally do not hear (or process) other people talking to me. I go into myself when I am in public places. Maybe I should get stressed and study in Walmart, because that would be a nightmare?! I get tunnel vision focus when under stress as some type of coping mechanism. The only reason that I assume that I don’t have that at home is because, I am suppose to have control in my home and in my life. I cannot control the strangers in the store, but I can make my children back off and be quiet, so maybe the real issue is that I am a control freak?.. It is as though noise stops my thoughts, but I know that this cannot logically be true. I wish I could just listen and appreciate the noise, but I want to not notice it so much. If you have ever seen the movie Punch, Drunk, Love with Adam Sandler..that is how I feel when I’m trying to study at home!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re suffering, Holly. This is a site about meditation, and the article you’ve commented on is about dealing with noises in meditation. But you didn’t mention meditation in your comment, so I’m assume that you aren’t meditating. Perhaps you should give it a try. It might help you.
I do meditate, and commented about the fact that I meditate and how I can handle noise while meditating, but the lack of residual affect afterwards that I experience. I was relating the article to personal experience in order to understand more about noise, meditation, awareness, presence in moment, etc. I felt that there was an obvious connection that could be related to this article. I apologize.
Oh, boy! It’s right in the first sentence, isn’t it, Holly! Apologies. I obviously hadn’t woken up when I responded.
You didn’t mention how you deal with noise in meditation, and I’m curious about how you deal with this. Are you able to just allow sounds to come and go when you’re sitting? If you are, or if you learn to do that, then you can apply exactly the same principle in your daily life as well.
Is it possible to meditate while a bass from another apartment is vibrating through the walls?
Of course. It might not be easy to drop the reactivity that often arises at times like these, but it’s perfectly possible to have sounds like these be part of our meditation practice, and to be at peace with them. I’ve meditated in some extremely noisy places, and been able to find stillness and calm.
I just moved into an apartment in which the neighbor below is a DJ and either watches TV at a loud volume of blasts his music. This is all late night making it hard to sleep.
Can I do mediation lying down on my bed and use the procedure you describe in order to calm the mind and let the fatigue naturally take it’s course to allow me to fall asleep?
Yes, you can do that, Dan. It can take time to learn to let go of reacting to the noise, and to accept that you can in fact get to sleep even when there are loud sounds around you. It’s not the noise itself that keeps us awake, but our reaction to it.
Thanks so much for writing on a topic that has been so painful in my life! I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and maybe a borderline case of some kind of autism and noise tops the list of symptoms. I struggle so much with anticipatory anxiety with noise issues resulting in sleep deprivation. Now I’m really struggling with my neighbor’s dog barking. The neighbor may take her dog outside and when I’m not done with my sleep and it starts getting light out my anxiety shoots up as I worry if the dog is going to bark or not and thus I can’t get back to sleep. Recently amidst all this obsessing I was awoken by a single bark from the dog on a couple of occasions which spiked my anticipatory anxiety. I was wearing earplugs and had my sound machine on that emits white noise going at the time but the single bark still woke me up. Is the bark waking me up because I’m anxious about dog barking interfering with my sleep? If so, can meditation help me to reduce my sensitivity to the single dog bark (and more than one bark if that happens) enabling me to sleep through dog barking? If there’s nothing I can do about the dog waking me up how am I supposed to find peace in that. I can’t seem to accept having the possibility of my sleep being disturbed every morning. So these questions focus on situational anxiety of actually being woken up by noise, not anticipatory anxiety (of course I need to work on that and you make the case that meditation can help with that).
One other question: It seems that I have control issues with noise where anger pops up. I still don’t understand how I can turn those powerful angry emotions into lovingkindness. Please explain. Thanks!
Hi, Missy.
“…can meditation help me to reduce my sensitivity to the single dog bark (and more than one bark if that happens) enabling me to sleep through dog barking?”
Yes, it’s very likely that meditation can help you reduce your sensitivity to any “disturbance.” By being attentive to sensory stimuli and recognizing that it’s not inevitable that we react — in other words learning that we can accept the sounds around us — we can change our attitudes.
I’d suggest that a “just listening” meditation practice would be useful. This is where we make the sounds around us the object of our meditation practice by being mindfully attentive to them. You can remind yourself, as you listen, that you can’t change sounds, but that you can just allow them to pass through you.
“If there’s nothing I can do about the dog waking me up how am I supposed to find peace in that.”
Waking up isn’t the problem. If you wake up, you can go back to sleep again. It’s believing that there’s something wrong about waking up that keeps us awake. So again, practicing acceptance helps.
“I still don’t understand how I can turn those powerful angry emotions into lovingkindness.”
Well, you don’t literally change one emotion into another. You recognize that you have a choice about what you do with your thoughts, and that your emotions follow your thoughts. Anger may arise, and you may not have a choice about that, but you can choose whether or not to continue having angry thoughts. If you drop the angry thinking, then the anger starts to disappear. But you can also choose to bring in kind or compassionate thoughts. You can wish the dog well. You can recognize that the dog is probably feeling afraid and threatened, which is why it’s barking in the first place. It takes time and practice to continue training yourself like that, but you will start to feel softer and kinder inside if you persevere.
Dear Missy,
I know your post is 6 years old, but I am very similar to you (not in all ways, but some); how did you manage in the end with your noise situation. I’m struggling and trying to learn everything I can about mindfulness, so I can stop freaking out about noise when I sleep.
Matthew
I’m going to try this out. I’m having a hard time with noise..I feel like every sound is amplified once I get into a calm state of mind. Thank you
The important thing to remember is that the problem is not the noise, but our resistance to the noise.
This is wonderful advice, thank you for sharing.
At times the noise is the problem and you should kindly let your neighbors know about it. You can change things sometimes. If something is not okay, say something. Don’t remain a victim.
I agree with you, Scott. The problem, however, is if the noise doesn’t break an ordinance we’re are at the mercy of the neighbors, hoping that they will help. I love that you used the word “kindly.” Being kind will definitely increase the chance that help will be offered. And the police may help facilitate an agreement even if an ordinance is not broken. I (turning to police is supposed to be a last resort).
Again, good solid advice but for those of us who have problems tolerating noise we have to be prepared to deal with it if the noise can’t be eliminated or controlled. Frustratingly, one can be awfully noisy but still be within the ordinance. I so wish noise ordinances were stricter.
One more thing. The following is a message for the site: we should all have the ability to edit and even delete our comments just like it’s set up on sites like YouTube.
That would be a good idea. It’s a shame that the software the site runs on doesn’t allow for that.
Wow, such a helpful article and such wonderful responses to the comments! Thank you! I am from Glasgow myself, so can appreciate how noisy the city centre is.
I struggle with reactivity to noise, specifically my neighbour’s dog barking. This affects me in meditation and outside of it, to the point I have given up meditating because of my reactions and the constant anticipation of noise. I live and work in a small converted garage in the countryside, with just two houses next to me, and there is no noise except for the neighbour’s dog next door barking when it is let outside. It is by no means excessive, it is simply a dog being a dog. However, it startles me, makes my heart race and I can literally feel the cortisol flooding my body when it happens and I know that it is because of the thoughts associated with the noise. It is followed by a barage of negative thoughts, about the house I live in (‘I hate this place, I will never feel at ease here’), the neighbours (‘why don’t they take the dog in as soon as it barks? They must not care about other people, selfish so-and-sos’) and the noise (‘this is never going to stop, what will I do? Should I move? I feel so helpless’). I have resisted putting earplugs in or listening to white noise when it happens, because I feel that is running away from the noise and won’t help, but I can go from feeling pretty good, to hearing the barking and feeling trapped, depressed, fearful and violated. I know it is irrational (I have had dogs myself and know how noisy they can be!) but knowing that does not stop this reactivity that I have somehow catastrophised into a habitual pattern. I would very much appreciate your suggestions on how to deal with this noise that my unconscious mind/ body responds to so violently before my consciousness has even identified it! Thank you Bodhipaksa <3
Hi, Jenny.
The part of your brain that’s producing a reaction in the body before you are even consciously aware anything is going on is doing so based on internalized “rules” or guidelines. It’s possible to deduce what these are by observing what we react to and in what circumstances. So you may have a “rule” that says “I should not be disturbed by unwanted noise while I am at home” or something like that. Your response to hearing a dog barking while you’re walking in a park in the city might be completely different, or indifferent.
Those rules are not hardwired but are established on the basis of previous experiences, thought-patterns, etc. And it’s possible to rewrite them. If you keep sending messages saying things like “Dogs bark, that’s just what they do” or “If I was a dog, I’d be barking right now” — saying these things especially at the times that the dog is barking — then you’re modifying the old rule. I’ve had to do this with other similar annoyances, for example when I’m trying to get my children to hurry. (“It’s developmentally appropriate for children to get distracted and to play.”)
It’s really important that you catch the critical thoughts as quickly as you can and drop it in favor of more accepting thoughts. The critical thoughts are reinforcing the rule…
Developing lovingkindness for the dog and its owners is another way to reprogram your subconscious. They more you consider a dog as a feeling being, the less you think of it as sent to plague you.
I’ve noticed also that people very quickly change their sense of what’s acceptable when they start to participate in the activity they’ve previously found annoying. A lot of people, before they got a mobile phone, found people with cellphones very annoying. Getting your own mobile phone removes the annoyance. It may not be feasible for you to get a dog, but perhaps you could dog-sit for a friend once in a while, and become the “offender” (which means no longer seeing the offense as an offense!).
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Dear Bodhipaksa,
Your comment was so helpful, thank you. You’re so right, I barely notice dogs barking outside my home, but when I’m at home and there is noise, it seems to affect me a million times more. Already I feel an inner ease knowing that my habitual thought patterns are able to be altered and I don’t need to wake every day fearing the arising of the dog’s barking and the associated turmoil. Now when it arises, I can recognise unhelpful thoughts, acknowledge the dog and send it my love, recognising it is only doing what it is meant to do and this is not out of the ordinary or any kind of threat. I have also considered taking that particular dog for a walk, going round and introducing myself to the neighbours and offering to walk their dog when they’re out in the evening. I thought that might allow me to ingratiate myself with the dog, and allow its barks to seem more innocuous and less threatening!
Thank you again,
Jenny
Dear Bodhipaksa,
Thank you so much for your article, I have found it so useful. I have recently moved house and am fairly close to a busy airport. I have found myself, in the past few days, becoming increasingly worked up by the noise of planes in the air. While this was previously just background noise, as it is for most people I imagine, it has now become a source of much anxiety for me, most likely due to my reactions. Now, whenever there is a plane in the air, my full attention goes to it, and I often find myself panicking: increased heart rate, scared thoughts and other unpleasant bodily sensations. What I would do for these planes to once again be completely innocuous! Now they are somehow a source of threat, and because I work from home and they are very frequent, my days are spent in a state of perpetual anxiety whenever one passes in the sky. Please could you provide some insight that may allow me to deal with this once again? I just want to be able to live peacefully, despite the noises around me.
Thank you and much love,
Jess
I’m glad you found the article helpful, Jess. Unfortunately you didn’t say what you tried, and which bits were helpful or unhelpful, so I can only make a guess where it comes to offering more advice. One thing I will say is about the physiological responses you describe. Our natural tendency is to take those as confirmation that there is something really wrong. That’s what gets things spiraling out of control. I’d suggest that you observe those sensations with mindfulness, and simply accept them as sensations like any others. This cuts into the reactive spiral, so that you’re no longer panicking about panicking.
Thanks so much for your reply, and apologies Bodhipaksa, I should have mentioned what I have tried so far. When I hear the sounds, I try to observe them and to view them neutrally. However, my mind comes in and says things like ‘I can’t deal with this, it’s never going to stop. How am I meant to work/ study?’ and then I find myself panicking, feeling helpless, hopeless, trapped and threatened, as if even in the silences between sounds, I am on edge, anticipating them. I have also tried sending my lovingkindness and good wishes to the people in the plane, and wishing them a safe journey which certainly works at times, but when I already have a headache or am anxious, the second I hear the noise, my body goes into panic mode. It is making being at home difficult. What I am trying to do now is view each noise as individual: just looking at it and seeing it as a ticket to enter the present moment (if that makes sense). That also seems to be helpful, but then mind inevitably intervenes and starts craving silence, or a time when the plane noises above were just objects in the background of consciousness as opposed to threatening. Any insight you might have would be greatly appreciated. This article has definitely taken the edge off for me!
Everything you’re doing sounds fine. You’re in the process of retraining your brain, and that takes time. It’s quite probably that on some level you’re expecting an instant fix and see ongoing physiological responses to these sounds as a sign that what you’re doing isn’t working. Ignore that expectation and remind yourself that change takes time.
But also what I just said about accepting the physiological responses is probably going to help as well.
Thank you. I agree that acceptance of the physiological reactions is key. At the moment, I am seeing them as confirmation that there is a threat (as you mentioned). However, there is no threat. Unfortunately what is at best a mild irritation has been turned into something to escape from and obviously, this is impossible! I will keep trying. Thank you again!
It’s always good to remember that the part of your brain that’s generating these physiological responses is like a little kitten that’s afraid of a thunderstorm. Talk to it kindly, and give it reassurance. While our common response is either to tell it it’s stupid or to freak out along with it, what it needs is a calm and loving voice.
Thank you Bodhipaksa. For some reason, I find being kind to myself very difficult, as if this is less important than ‘listening’ to what the physiological sensations are trying to tell me: that there is an imminent threat. Perhaps with some kindness and present moment attention, the hold that these reactions have over me will be lessened significantly.
A lot of people find it hard to be kind to themselves when they’re suffering. So it’s probably best to think in terms that you’re not being kind to yourself, you’re being kind to some frightened thing inside of you.
Dearest Bodhipaksa,
Thank you for your wonderful page, and for the advice you have shared with the people here. I have felt very alone and reading similar experiences from others has been a comfort, and the advice you have shared has made me want to cry with relief.
I have recently moved from the country to a flat in the town centre. I work from home so am here most of the day. There is construction work going on across the road, which is due to continue for the next six months. The banging is sporadic but often gives me a fright. I react instinctively with hateful thoughts, feelings of being in danger, wanting to run away and a flood of adrenaline and racing heart. The noise consumes most of my thoughts. The banging and drilling makes me feel unsafe to the point that I don’t want to be here. It also makes me more sensitive to ambient noises of the road outside, conversations I hear on the street. I just feel like I need total silence. I play white noise and put my headphones on, but that doesn’t help much and almost makes me more fearful of the noise. During meditation and during sleep, I wear earplugs to drown it out. I worry about getting enough sleep because I feel so drained by the end of the day. I realise that it’s all in my mind. I just find it so difficult to accept noises around me that are not under my control, of which there are far more of them in the city. Remaining present seems like a distant dream as my mind jumps to worst case scenarios for the future and the impact this will have on my health. I read once that people who do not feel at home or at peace within themselves search all their lives for a home which will provide them with this peace. I long to be at peace within myself. My nerves are shot.
Please, please help.
Hi, J.
I’ve offered suggestions in the article above. Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but I don’t think you made any reference to having tried to put any of it into practice.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Apologies Bodhipaksa, I realise that my message was more like a stream of consciousness. I have tried several of your suggestions, including being kind to the scared part of myself, observing the noise in a non-reactive way, sending loving kindness to the people behind the noise. However, I am finding it so difficult to deal with, especially the seeming constant nature of it. I have chosen to come here because the rent is cheap, but I feel like I am sacrificing my peace of mind. Is it really possible to change one’s perception towards noise? I feel I am failing dreadfully.
Hi, J.
No problem. I just don’t want to end up repeating myself needlessly.
Yes, it is possible to change your relationship with noise, although it’s about more than the noise. As you note above, it’s about changing your relationship to your feelings, by learning to be more accepting of the discomfort you feel when the noise happens, by learning to change your relationship to thoughts so that you let go of thoughts that make you even more unhappy, and changing the way you relate to yourself and your world emotionally — for example by offering yourself compassion when you’re in distress, and even developing an attitude of kindness toward the people who are making the noise.
These things take time, and you can’t expect an overnight disappearance of your distress. You can look for and appreciate even the slightest decrease in your suffering or increase in your ability to be at peace. All I can say is keep practicing!
You’re not failing; you’re making progress at a slower rate than you would ideally like.
Dear Bodhipaksa, Thank you for your words of wisdom above. I have increasingly been seeking out quiet environments in which to live and meditate. I realise that noise is a sore point for me, so I am showing myself some compassion by spending time in nature and silence which, for me, is healing. Currently though, I am visiting family in Scotland and exposed to a lot more noise than usual. Specifically, one of the neighbours has their TV extremely loud, to the point I can work out each word that is spoken. My unconscious reaction is panic and anger – pounding heart, sweating, the desire to flee or scream. I cannot eat, concentrate or meditate when I am around the noise as it is distracting and my entire focus is on it. My mind makes up stories about how dreadfully inconsiderate the neighbours must be and I feel very in danger. Compassion towards them or myself seems very difficult. Do you have any words of wisdom that may assist in feeling at peace when around such loud, intrusive noise, especially when one is as sensitive to noise as I am? Perhaps a mantra that can focus my mind on peace rather than feelings of being in danger? I experienced a turbulent household as a child and feel my brain is wired to respond to noise in such a violent manner. Is this reversible?
With love and gratitude,
Miss J
Hi, Miss J. I’m sorry for the distress you’re experiencing. Modern life can be very challenging.
Your mind is, as you say, interpreting the sounds from the neighbor’s house as a threat, and alarm signals are appearing automatically (heart racing, sweating). Then your mind is (habitually) reacting to those alarm signals by creating anger and stories about how inconsiderate the neighbors are. One thing you can do is to become more mindful of the physical symptoms of fear. Treat them as just any other sensations. Observe them just the same way you would your breathing. The more mental bandwidth goes into observing them, the less is left for reacting to them with storytelling.
Keep dropping the stories. They don’t help you, and in fact add to your distress. The story of the neighbors being inconsiderate makes lots of assumptions about them and just makes you angry. (Maybe in reality they’re a bit deaf, or maybe they’re insecure? Maybe they have no idea how noise travels. Maybe they’re trying to drown out the sound of someone else’s TV? I dunno.)
You’re probably not going to be able to feel any compassion for them until you first feel compassion for the part of yourself that’s suffering. You may be confusing getting upset with being compassionate. If you’re compassionate to the part of you that’s suffering you’ll talk to it in a kind and reassuring way, offering it support and encouragement. So find where the distress is centered in your body and talk to it. How might you comfort a child who was frightened by a thunderstorm? Talk to your own pain the same way. Place a gentle and reassuring hand on that part of the body. Once you’ve offered compassion to the suffering part of yourself it might be possible to have more compassion for the neighbors.
To answer your question about the brain: our brains are not “wired” in the same way that a house is wired. Pathways in the brain change themselves with every thought we have. Some parts of the brain can regulate other parts so that they are less active (that’s what’s going on when you talk to your pain in a reassuring way — your neocortex is regulating your amygdala. By practicing this kind of regulation you rewire the brain. So, yes, you can change how your brain reacts.
you are so full of shit. “appreciate the noise” are you high? just dealing with the noise is not healthy at all, thats the worst thing you could do. go get fucking tinitus you dumbshit.
I’m curious why you chose to write in such a hostile way. What’s going on?
A clear example of someone operating from a low level of consciousness. They seem very angry at the world and the illusion they take themselves to be. Bodhipaksa’s advice has been instrumental to me and no doubt numerous others. Let us not detract from the amazing advice presented here by giving attention to hostility <3
I suspect a high level of pain and someone being at the end of their rope, Miss J. I think we’ve all been there, one way or another.
I’m reading through all of this advice. It’s very good.
My problem is metal gates, which in the wind, smash against the wall in the block of social housing flats I live in. I’ve complained and complained but the problem is still ongoing.
What has changed, however, is my reaction to these bangs. I get more stressed and anxious now than I used to and I have started waiting for the noises to happen. So that’s clear evidence of a change, which is also proof that a potential change in a positive direction is possible too.
After reading the advice here, which makes so much sense, I feel some hope. I’ve saved this blog and I’ve been re-reading the comments and your advice.
Thank you for a great blog post. I am sure you have helped a lot of people already.
I found this page and find it somehow comforting to know i am not the only one who’s anxiety shoots sky high due to noise. My once quiet backyard is no longer so quiet. It got to the point where any time I would start to relax and think how nice and peaceful it was, there would be construction starting, or leafblowers, or someone’s loud music or yelling.
My problem with imagining the source of the noise and sending lovingkindness is that by doing so, i have now added a visual image to the noise (an image of the noise being made) which just seems to make it that much bigger in my head.
What has helped me instead, is to see all noise as just random waves in the atmosphere, with no source and no value, neither good nor bad. I tell myself that any random noise that I can not control has no value (good or bad) and no source, it is just part of the big huge atmosphere that surrounds me. Somehow, that helps me put it in perspective mentally and focus on it less.
The only problem is that for this to work, I have to constantly apply it to all random sounds that I don’t control. I focus on non-audio things like visuals, or activities. But I have had to stop listening to and enjoying those random sounds that i don’t control but do enjoy, things like chirping birds, or rustling leaves. The problem has always been that, even as I would listen to pleasant sounds in nature, a huge part of me was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And this builds anxiety and depression. So the tradeoff in terms of keeping my sanity is worth it.
My problem is that I can’t let my mind drift off whenever I’m trying to sleep in anticipation of the sounds. Even a small random sound would keep my body tense like sneezing from another person. I just can’t let go of the thought that it would happen again. What would you advice?
Hi, Brian. My first thought is that it might be useful for you to turn your attention to the sense of anticipation that a sound will happen again. Where is that sense of anticipation? What shape is it? Can you directly sense it? What does it feel like? Does it change over time? Does it have any substance? What happens when you observe it?
Hi Bodhipaksa! Thanks for the input! I’m just curious if this technique will help me sleep or will it just consume more of my thinking. Will I ever get used to it that it would be second nature. BTW I wasn’t like this before. I just want to go back to being able to subconsciously ignore the noises and relax.
You’re welcome, Brian. Just to clarify, what I suggested you do isn’t about and doesn’t involve thinking. It’s about observing. And the more of our attention is taken up by observing, the less thinking we do. And it should help you to take the noises less seriously so that you go back to ignoring them.
Wow didn’t think of it that way before. I guess I’ll start by doing what you said and steadily make progress. Thanks a lot!
You’re welcome, Brian.
I love your site, but I’d like to unsubscribe from this noise thread. The link to unsubscribe doesn’t work unfortunately.
I’m sorry the link didn’t work, Ella. I’ve taken care of unsubscribing you, so you wont receive any more notifications.Yay for less “noise”!
Hi. I frequently read this artice but its a real struggle to put it into practice.
i live in a very tranquil area, forest views, and its lovely and quiet. Apart from the fact that in field next to mine their kids have started riding dirt bikes.
loud, high pitched, ear piercing bikes. and they rev and rev back and forth for hours.
They can start at any time of day or often not for days at a time so i dont know when they are happening. During their riding my anxiety goes through the roof and I get angry etc.
and when theyre not there Im always worried that they are going to start any minute.
even now, its 11am on a sunday morning and its destroyed my day already.
i cant go about my day as the noise just cuts through anything I try to do. I can often mediate to the pint of being relaxed and then instantly get filled with the rage and tension of the noise!
Hi, Curtis.
It does take practice to learn to be more accepting of noise. Keep working at it.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
I am disabled and I am so impacted by noise sensitivity from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and perhaps other factors as well. I have to look for low-income housing. I understand that I cannot get away from all noises but I want to move to an area that has as much noise privacy as possible which would involve distance from people, animals (i.e., dogs for the most part because I have such problems living with dog barking), and vehicles. Does anyone have an ideas of how best to find a property that will have some noise privacy which will help to make my noise mitigation techniques (e.g., white sound machines) work well enough?
Thank you for the info. I moved recently and was unaware I would be stuck next to a apartment dog “spa.”My neighbors let them bark at all hours. After trying every sound masking technique I’m left with trying to change my reaction to the noise. When I get woken up at night three or four times I get so frustrated and stressed I can’t get back to sleep. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!
I added a few more comments to the article about how lovingkindness practice can help. I’d suggest giving that a go.
Dear Sir,
That’s a very thoughtful article. I’m struggling a lot and I don’t think I should post everything that’s happened as the details might upset some. I would dearly like your advice though.
Feel free to email me. The first part of my address is bodhi. The rest is the site URL: wildmind.org.
Hello, first of all thanks for this insightful article. Would it be possible to meditate whilst hearing booming sounds of children running in the apartment above? The noise is not constant, is very sudden and it has a deep like bass aspect but I pick it up and focus on it and get really annoyed. I’ve gotten to the point in which I hate my neighbours but my wife doesn’t mind the sounds as I do. Right now I’m only able to meditate properly at night without any sounds. Thanks in advance for your response!
Hi, Mike. Sorry for taking so long to reply. Yes, of course one can meditate with children running around upstairs. I think I described my experience of meditating in a flat in Glasgow that was above pubs and clubs and across the road from a taxi stand. I bet you that was much noisier, and yet I meditated there.
The sounds you hear are just sensations. The purpose of mindfulness practice is to observe sensations as they arise, moment by moment. So observe the sounds of the children, and any other sounds you hear. If the sounds give rise to unpleasant feelings in the body, observe those feelings. If angry thoughts appear, observe those, and realize that you don’t have to entertain them. In fact, realize that you have the option at any time to relate with kindness. All children need to play and to exercise their bodies. You could choose to see what they’re doing as healthy and delightful.
Hello Bodhipaksa
I used to know you a wee bit in Glasgow, I’m Derek, lived above centre for a wee while very wise words on noise, I found lots of the above very helpful – just getting into meditation again after too long a break xxx so nice to read your responses x
Hi, Derek.
I’m sorry I don’t remember you. Maybe if I saw your face or heard your voice it might come back to me. I lived about the centre for a while too, and before that I lived just along Sauchiehall St, opposite the Locarno Ballroom (aka Tiffany’s). I think it might be a casino now. There was constant traffic, newspaper sellers yelling at 11 o’clock at night, loud people staggering out of pubs and clubs, taxis idling, lovers’ fights. Ah, good times!
Anyway, I hope your re-entry into practice goes well!
yes mental Glezga im in partick noo !! im tall skinny bald xx
Hello Bodhipaksa
I Am from india and my name is ajay
So it all started in covid lockdown i dont know what happened but one day i was unable to sleep my heart was beating fast i could feel the nerve sensations and heart paltpitations
I thought its because of sound from ac or from the clock thats making me awake or the feel of feeling heartbeat
Long short my doctor said its a anxiety disorder with somatic symptoms he prescribed medicines and asked me to be positive with time it would be fine
But my problem is a sense of fear amd irritation has developed of
Ticking sound of clock
Whirring sound of fan
Air conditioner
Pillow feathers whossing sound
I literally for 2 yrs have set
Fan to bit high speed and ac at low to mask the noise and use a foam
Pillow
But i want to get everything normalised
My psychologist suggested to not engage in them let them happen and she has given many tips to cope with negative thinking
I am anxious till when will
It comtinue and I travel with pillow wherever i go she said no
Problem some people do it
You are just accepting the way you are
Regarding irritation and sound sensitivity she suggested mindfulness and some breathing exercises and overall i feel if my mood is good i am
Less irritable but still
Im hesitant that if i change surroundings maybe i might not fall
Asleep due to noise
In what should i meditate
And i am open for some good suggestions
Hi, Ajay.
I’m sorry to hear about the struggles you’ve had. (And apologies for the late reply — I recently moved into a new house, which has been very time-consuming and exhausting.
I don’t want to repeat myself, so I’ll just point you to a comment I made earlier this morning to another visitor who asked about noise. Hopefully you’ll find it helpful.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Hi, I just want to say how helpful I’ve found this page. I’ve been struggling with noises since moving house and to a new area 5 months ago.
I moved to a quiet area in London, but didn’t know we were under the flight path for Heathrow. Reading some of the comments from other meditators has helped me realize that I’m not alone in struggling with noise. I actually wondered if I’d written one of the previous comments because it was so similar to my experience. Your advice has really helped me to recognise some of the stories I’m telling myself when I am disturbed by noise — one of which is “no one else has to suffer this noise like I do”. So reading these comments makes me realize that even people living in quiet parts of the countryside struggle with noises.
One question I have though Bodhipaska – you mentioned that one story you might tell yourself is “my home should be quiet”, and you also talk about learning to sit with your discomfort. So, I can accept that my home doesn’t have to be quiet. But I do think my home should be comfortable. So if I’m constantly sitting with my discomfort, then I’m ill at ease in my own home. So my question is that if you sit with your discomfort for long enough, does it stop being uncomfortable? Or do you just get used to being uncomfortable?
In terms of how I’m dealing with the anxiety I get from noises, I’m trying to meditate as much as possible – first the metta bhavna and then mindfulness of breathing. But when I do, I put a background soundbath track on. It probably isn’t the best for getting used to the noise, but I find it helps my meditation.
Hi, Jess.
Thanks so much for writing. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of working with your suffering around noise.
Noise really is a modern scourge, although not everyone is equally exposed to it. People who live near roads or flight paths, or who live in flats with thin walls and noisy neighbours have a much worse time of it. I live in a fairly quiet area now, so I consider myself lucky, but for the sake of others I think we desperately need a quieter world. The solution can’t be that we all learn to live with noise: that just encourages ever more of it.
Anyway, you asked, “If you sit with your discomfort for long enough, does it stop being uncomfortable? Or do you just get used to being uncomfortable?” It might be that you just learn to tune out the noise. Your being can learn that the noise isn’t an actual threat, and so your senses pay less attention to it and you stop reacting with an adrenaline-filled stress response.
I highly recommend the practice of self-compassion, which (and I hate to sound self-promotional) I wrote about in This Difficult Thing of Being Human. In short:
1. Notice that when you’re hearing noise, suffering arises in the form of painful sensations in the body. Those might well be mainly in the gut, as well as in painful tension in the muscles.
2. Drop any thoughts about how unpleasant it is, how you wish it wasn’t happening, etc, and instead…
3. Turn your attention toward those painful sensations, observing them as if they were any other physical sensation. Then…
4. Offer those painful sensations love. Look at them with kindly eyes. Talk soothingly and reassuringly to them (“I know this is unpleasant, but I’m here for you. I care about you and I want you to be at ease”) and perhaps place a hand on them, tenderly.
In this way you train your being to be more at ease. It’s a bit like reassuring an animal when it encounters something new and unexpected — in time it learns that that thing is not a threat, and it no longer gets alarmed. The same thing can happen with your own being.
Obviously this is just a rough outline of the practice, but it might be enough to get you started.
what a load of rubbish
constant noise does a lot of serious damage, internally.
can cause unbalance when walking, even falling over
I am in the midst of something like hell due noise . Believe me if you want your hearing Dont put up with Noise
Hi, J. Jacques.
I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering so much from noise.
Constant noise can certainly take a toll on our health and well-being, and if it’s possible to live somewhere quiet then do it. But that’s not an option for everyone, and so we have to do the best we can to live with what we can’t change.
Also, much of our distress regarding noise is caused not by the noise itself by our own reaction to it. The more we can learn to be less reactive, the less we’ll suffer.
Reading into this and really wanting to try it but. the struglle is: almost every night it’s sorta quiet when I go to bed around 9, then just when my head is in a rather fuzzy on-the-verge of sleep state the music downstairs starts. (Which objectively isn’t that loud, but even with earplugs it’s impossible not to hear for me). My head that then feels like I’ve been woken in the middle of the night is not in the best shape to relativize anything and the fact my neighbours sorta determine when I can/can’t sleep is extremely stressful. (I also feel pressure to sleep asap, because around 5pm each morning I wake up from neighbours turning on their shower/flushing the toilet, opening doors etc, and I really need at least 9/10 hours of sleep to be mentally stable the next day)
I’m very sensitive to any external impulses (I have autism + ADHD and pretty much end each day on the verge of being burned out) and when I go to bed it’s often because my head just had enough for the day/is overwhelmed and I know my head and I just need a break and complete quiet, so knowing what I need but not being able to provide it.. well is extremely stressful. I try being mindful, I try meditating, but thusfar it just leads to more frustration because it feels like I’m just not wired for it. Like in the daytime if I have a conversation and a car passes or a dog barks I also have to take a break because I can’t focus/think when there’s too much external input distracting me. To me mentally each night it feels like I’m trying to crack a puzzle (or just relax) when there’s people loudly screaming in my ears and poking me from all sides, while I already told them to stop several times. I’m not sure how to go from that to sleep?
Thank you for this article! I’m not Buddhist, but am a Catholic who loves silence and contemplative prayer – so the struggle is the same. I live in a condo and have neighbors who like to yell and scream at each other and blast TV and music, so it’s been a struggle. I’m going to try what you suggest and see if that makes any difference. Most importantly for me seems to be what you said about “not creating stories.” I.e. I need to watch my thought processing when I’m dealing with noise so I’m not adding aggravation and destroying my own peace.
Thank you again!
I’d strongly recommend metta/kindness in these circumstances. Your neighbors seem unhappy. It helps to remember, without judgement, that they are suffering human beings, and to say things like “May you be at peace. May you be in harmony with each other. May you be happy.” In focusing on others’ welfare we suffer less ourselves.
When you do find you become reactive and angry, it’s good to practice self-compassion. I explain this practice in the comments, but I’ll edit the article and add something there too.
All the best with this challenging situation, Christina!
I’ve managed to get past many sleep obstacles in the past with similar techniques. At uni before I investigated in meditation, I learned a coupled self-hypnosis techniques that used to work for me back then.
I adapted them over my time at uni. I would actually listen to the annoying sound and trust that my mind could create the sleep from ‘those sounds’ as the ingredients. I started enjoying falling asleep in the noise. I even slept through a fire-alarm and only knew that one had gone off because I could hear people coming back into the building!
The problem I have now is with intermittent and sharp knocks that jolt me awake. I’m living in a flat where for whatever reason the neighbour bangs throughout the night. I think it’s a kitchen counter on the other side.
I live near the thames and at times a boat will just randomly blow it’s horn: these are so loud they can be heard through ear-plugs! There’s a factory that works into the night with all kinds of beeps consistently going on and off throughout.
The road is quiet, however people who walk by are quite animated and occasionally sirens, car alarms, a car driving over a noisy man-hole cover or random bang from another neighbour also permeate my sound-stage.
Sometimes it feels like they’re precisely co-ordinated; As soon as I drift off the next sound comes in. Often as soon as that one dissipates another come in seconds later.
If the sounds were constant I feel like I could tune it out. However these sounds trigger me into fight-flight sometimes especially the harsh wall strikes.
How would you get through these?
I’ve read The Mind Illuminated and it helped me loads. I’ve used loving-kindness, forgiveness, scanning, etc they seem to work short term and then stop working for me.
I think i’m a bit like Maarten. I may even be on the same two spectrums (I’m pretty sure I am).
The real problem is that I’m not able to appreciate the sound it’s always a sharp striking type of sound in each of the cases. Once I’m awakened it becomes progressively harder to get back to sleep. I also sleep around the same times 9pm – 5am.
I often end up exhausted, feeling fried, and unable to think well the next day.
Hi, Daron.
As I mention in the article, I’ve experienced city-level noise before and know it can be hard to deal with.
I think I need to update the article with other approaches I’ve found helpful. The main one I’ll mention here is self-compassion. The problem is not so much the noises as it is the reactions kicked off in response to the noises. Any time you notice you’re annoyed or startled by noise, notice the unpleasant feelings that are present in the body. They’ll be there: probably around the solar plexus. So notice those sensations mindfully, accepting them and allowing them to be present.
Then practice lovingkindness toward those feelings. Talk to them kindly, either using the usual lovingkindness phrases, or just having a one-sided conversation with them, saying things like, “I’m sorry this is stressful for you. I’m sorry you’re suffering. I just want you to know that I care about you and I want you to be happy and at ease.”
What you’re doing is first of all recognizing that you’re suffering. Then you’re turning your attention to the feelings/vedana in the body, which are the physical manifestation of the suffering. And you’re offering love and support to the suffering part of you. This is self-compassion.
When I do this it helps take away the anger, frustration, fear, distress and so on. These are all, in Buddhist parlance, “second arrows.” In other words they’re the pain we cause ourselves through our reactions. What we’re reacting to is the “first arrow,” which is the painful or uncomfortable feelings I suggested talking to. What we’re left with is just the discomfort of the first arrow. It seems like 95% of our suffering is from our reactions, and that remaining 5% is usually quite bearable.
You can practice the above anytime you’re experiencing reactivity, not just in relation to noises.
This is stuff I go into in much more detail in my book, “This Difficult Thing of Being Human,” which is about self-compassion.
What has helped me lately is seeing the sounds as harmless and trying to tune them out during the day. I find that the more I change my relationship to the sounds in the day (my conscious mind) the less my mind reacts when I’m sleeping. CBD sometimes helps…
Its the big bangs though!!
Seeing sounds as harmless sounds like a good approach. After a bang, you can quickly remind yourself “I’m safe. There is no danger. I’m protected.” That can be part of the self-compassion conversation you have with your embodied discomfort.
Hey Bodhipaksa, Thanks for the advise you gave me. It didn’t seem to register above. I’m like that sometimes. Getting caught in my own dialogue!
I’ve come back here from a link I left myself on my desktop. I knew I’d lose my way. Turns out that I’ve been having a bad run with the thuds. I’m trying the compassion now. It’s helping.
I’m glad to hear that self-compassion is working. It really is a practice that changes everything.