Dealing with noise
Carol, one of my meditation students, lives in a very noisy apartment in New York City. She wrote: “The subway train is right across the street, the police/fire station is right around the corner, and to top it all off there is a dance club on the bottom floor of my building! I’ve tried pretty much everything — earplugs, music, meditating at work instead of home — the only thing that really works is just to let it go and stop fighting it, but sometimes the noise will still yank me out of concentration.”
I replied as follows: “I think I used to live in that apartment, except that it was in the city center of Glasgow, Scotland. I think you’re on the right track by stopping fighting the noise. Take that one step further and appreciate the noise — embrace it. As you prepare for meditation, really notice and appreciate all of the noise around you.
Call to mind the living, breathing, feeling human beings behind the noise and wish them well. And then accept that noise as part of your meditation practice. Stay loosely focused on your breathing, and let the noise be a sort of secondary focus of the practice — like the ring around the bull’s-eye. If you stop seeing the noise as the enemy of the practice and instead see it as part of the practice, then the conflict will vanish.”
Trying to fight the noise is unlikely to work. The noise is not going to go away because you don’t like it. If you respond aggressively to it then you’re just getting yourself into a fight that you cannot win. In that apartment in Glasgow I had a dance club across the street, a taxi stand outside the windows, and a washing machine through the wall from where I meditated. When the washing machine got noisy, for example, what I would do was embrace the noise, just as I suggested to Carol.
I’d take this even further. What I’d do was reflect that the noise of the washing machine was a perception that existed in my consciousness. Since the noise of the washing machine was in my consciousness, and since my consciousness was meditating, then I reasoned that the washing machine was also meditating.
Realizing this made the washing machine noise just another part of my experience, like the sense of weight on my cushion, or like my breath, or like the feelings in my heart. It was no longer something separate from me that was interfering with my practice, but was a part of my practice.
Doing this, such noises could cease to be a problem altogether, and actually seemed to enrich my experience of meditation. Of course the logic in the above paragraph may not be entirely sound! But the important thing was that in creatively finding a way to stop seeing the noise as an enemy and to start seeing it as just another part of my experience — and a possible aid to may practice — it actually became an aid to my practice.
There’s another approach that’s related, and which I’ve found useful. Often when I’m meditating I begin by becoming aware of the space around me. I very consciously become aware of the space in front, behind, and to the sides—even above and blow me. It can almost feel as if my mind is expending into the space surrounding me, expending even outside of the room that I’m in. (I’m not saying that my mind is actually doing this, just that it feels like that’s what’s happening.) I’m aware of the light coming through my closed eyelids, and of any sounds that are arising.
Rather than being an annoyance or distraction, any sounds that are present become an opportunity to be mindful. I’m practicing “mindfulness of listening.” I remain open and curious about the sounds. I let go of any thoughts that arise, in favor of paying attention to the sounds themselves. I can’t stop sounds, or make them change, or turn down the volume, so I simply accept them. I let them pass through the space of my awareness (which is the same thing as the space around me) without thinking about whether I like or don’t like them.
If there are pleasant or unpleasant feelings that arise in response to particular sounds, I just allow them to be there, but I don’t create stories (“I wish that sound would stop! How long is this going to go on!”).
When I’m doing this, sounds no longer bother me.
How well does this work? One time I was visiting a friend’s house, and I wanted to take a nap. They warned me that there were roofers working on the condo, directly above my head. Sure enough, as I lay down in bed there was a constant “CHUNK, CHUNK, CHUNK” of nailguns, just a few feet over my head. Within minutes I was asleep and I had a delicious 90 minute nap!
Bodhipaksa is a Buddhist practitioner and teacher, a member of the Triratna Buddhist Order, and a published author. He launched the Wildmind website on November 11, 2000. Bodhipaksa has published many guided meditation CDs, guided meditation MP3s, and books
He teaches at Aryaloka Buddhist Center in Newmarket, New Hampshire. You can follow him on Facebook or support him on Patreon.
126 Comments. Leave new
hi
How about noise while you are sleeping, That is another form of suffering. Can you still observing the noise and take it as experience and still able to sleep?
Thanks for the advice
Hi Damien,
I presume you’re talking about noise when you’re not sleeping but want to be asleep. Sometimes the solution to that is legal rather than meditative. When I lived in a college town I sometimes called the police to break up noisy parties, for example. Right now I live in a consistently quiet neighborhood.
And sometimes I’ve used ear-plugs, for example when I’m on retreat and in a shared room where there may be a snorer.
But assuming that the noise is something unavoidable, like living in a noisy neighborhood, I’d say that simply paying attention to the sounds is the most appropriate way to respond. It’s not the noise itself that keeps us awake, but our response to it. It’s that annoyance, and the assumption that the noise will prevent sleep that actually stops us from dropping off.
Treating the noises as a meditation object — taking an active interest in them and accepting them as best we can — may well lead to a greater sense of relaxation, and that in turn makes it more likely that we will fall asleep.
We tell ourselves that we can’t sleep because of the noise, but on some level that’s not true because we almost inevitably do fall asleep eventually, despite the noise. Now we may say that it’s sheer exhaustion that’s helped us get past the noise and into sleep-mode, but I think it’s more likely that the exhaustion has actually made it impossible for us to keep up the mental activity that’s been keeping us awake.
I do have some meditative tricks that I’ve used in the past to help me sleep, and I’ll make them available online and link to them from here.
If you have any more questions about this topic feel free to ask.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Hi Damien,
Here’s a link to the article I wrote about meditation and how it can be used to treat insomnia. Perhaps some of what I said there will be helpful.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
hi
Thanks for the advice. I did try to meditate before sleep but the anger (aka ego) seems to take control.
Do you feel angry because of the noisy parties and feel helplessness when the police cannot do anything?
Well, this was years ago when I lived in a noisy neighborhood. Although I have now a drummer living on one side of me and a family with three noisy kids on the other, they tend to be quiet at nights, and so there’s not much disturbance to have to live with.
Back then, yes, I did feel angry when there was a noisy party going on. I didn’t think of myself as being helpless (I could go and have a word with them or call the police), but I would get annoyed during the time I couldn’t sleep (although it was mainly the annoyance that was keeping me away!).
Actually, sometimes the neighbors with the kids can be a bit noisy at night — having the TV in the bedroom with the sound cranked up, for example. I hear it but it most of the time it no longer bothers me, and when it does bother me the irritation is mild. I guess I’ve learned to let the sound sweep by me.
My meditation practice back in the party neighborhood days was much more focused on one-pointed concentration, where external noise is often seen as a distraction, but now when I meditate I incorporate noises into my meditation and so they’re no longer seen as distractions. I think that’s helped me to have more equanimity about the neighbors’ TV.
If anger is what’s keeping your mind disturbed I’d suggest metta bhavana — radiating loving-kindness towards the people causing the noise, and remembering to have compassion for yourself because of the suffering you’re experiencing.
thanks for the advice and it probably will take sometime to see through my “desire for tranquility” and work this problem out.
Best Rgds
Damien
hey, just wondering about music – personally i find some noises easy to “accept” but music has a tendency to sort of hi-jack my consciousness. it kind of stops my thinking or focusing, mainly because of the rhythm. even if its a rubbish song, still the rhythm will take hold of my mind which is quite annoying! is there a way around this? i think ihave been told that music is a bad idea in meditation practice because it stops you being able to focus. is there a way around this?
Hi Matt,
I’ve written elsewhere about listening to music while meditating. I agree entirely that listening to music while meditating is not a good idea.
But perhaps you’re talking about simply overhearing music that’s playing elsewhere (like a room-mate or neighbor playing their stereo too loud)? In that case, given what you’ve said, I’d suggest that it’s the desire not to be hearing the music and not to have it being so prominent in your consciousness that’s the problem. If there’s music playing in the background then it’s just there as another sensory object to be aware of. We can’t make the music go away, so it’s best just to accept it.
If the mind latches on to the music because the tune or rhythm are compelling, then make the music into the object of your meditation — paying close attention to the sound in every moment. It’s resisting the music that makes the experience unpleasant.
Is this at all helpful?
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
hi bodhipaksa, thanks for your helpful advice. yes i was thinking of music that i was overhearing. however i am interested – can paying close attention to rythm be a form of meditation? as i am a bboy (aka breakdancer) so i practice to music 3 – 4 hours a day, and part of the idea of the dance is to “not think consciously” but instead to focus on the rythmand let it guide you. im afraid to ask a silly question, but does that mean that when i dance i am practicing a form of meditation? as i do find it extremely theraputic. but would i be missing the point a bit? i find normal meditation extremely difficult because i have a very poor attention span – dancing is a lot easier though
My problem is with the stomping upstairs sometimes the noise comes all of a sudden and shocks me. This is how it disturbs me, it makes my heart skip because its so unexpected one second it could be quiet and the next BANG. I don’t know when to expect it. I am in a relaxed state until this happens how to you suggest dealing with noise that comes unexpectedly???
Hi Jenny,
The responses to a loud, sudden noise tend to be very visceral and happen very quickly. You’re right in pointing out that it’s a different situation from ongoing noise, where you have (usually) a less strong response and also more time to deal with it.
I think you just have to deal with the adrenaline rush. You’ll find that you flinch, that your heart races, that there’s a sudden rush of energy to various parts of the body — and you just have to practice noticing those, paying attention to them, and in a way valuing them because they’re prominent experiences that need to be paid attention to mindfully. In time you’ll find that’ll help you not get into unhelpful trains of thought immediately following the bang. You can ever “reframe” the bangs, learning to see them as mindfulness bells that are calling on you to wake up.
Then I imagine that there’s an unpleasant sense of anticipation between bangs, because as you say you don’t know when to expect it. What’s useful here is to notice that anticipating is what you’re doing, to identify the physical and emotional sensations of anxiousness and anticipation, and to observe them as objects of meditation for as long as they’re prominent in your experience. By standing back from them in this way, you won’t be feeding your anxiousness and anticipation. You’ll therefore start to unlearn that habitual response, and create the space the development of the habit of simply paying attention to whatever is present, without worrying about what might be coming next.
Please do let me know if this is helpful or not.
Hi,
Thanks for the speedy reply. Although it will be hard on my part, you gave some great tips and I will keep them in mind often.
Complaining, or making more noise to get even hasn’t ever made these situations better, so this was the kind of advice I was looking for. There is no other option for me than live here right now, besides, its just been leaving from one noisy disruptive apartment to the next since I cannot afford to buy my own house.
My natural reaction is to get annoyed, stressed, upset, angry. Its difficult to get out of that mindset but I will give it an earnest try.
Thanks again,
Jenny
Hi Jenny,
Yes, it can be hard. And it can take many repeated tries before we find new ways to respond to difficult circumstances. Probably for a long time you’re going to be observing yourself being “annoyed, stressed, upset, angry.” Underneath all those emotions I’d suggest you find the part of you that’s suffering, and send her thoughts of lovingkindness. Often self-compassion is enough to knock down the whole tower of bricks that constitutes an emotional habit, because the hurt is, so to speak, the bottom brick in the tower. Take care of the hurt, and you can find that your annoyance, stress, etc, all come tumbling down.
Good luck. I’d love to hear how you get on.
Oh, and I’d suggest you make sure you send lovingkindness to the people making the noise. That’s a lot of advice, I know, but you have a bunch of new tools you can try, and hopefully you’ll be able to figure something out.
I’m very glad to have found this comment, because I have a very similar situation, but I’m having a very hard time letting go of the anticipation. The anticipation is often much worse than the actual sound. I live in a rural area, on 5 acres, so for the most part, it’s very quite, pretty much all the time, but since it’s a rural area, sometimes people shoot guns, for target practice and this can be quite startling.
I’m having a very difficult time getting rid of my anticipation. It’s to the point of being obsessive. When I wake up, the very first thought I have is “I wonder if I’m going to be startled by a gun shot today”. This thought is in the back of my mind all day long and in the forefront, when I go outside, where I’m more likely to be able to hear the noise. I work from home and I’m always here, so it’s always a possibility. When I go outside, I’m always appreciating the beauty of the nature that surrounds me, but I’m always thinking “is a gun shot going to destroy all this beauty and make me jump”. I always seem to obsess about noises, because in our old house, in a typical suburban neighborhood, the sound of children screaming would make me jump and I always obsessed if a child’s scream was going to make me jump.
The thing is gun shots are kind of rare. One week you may have someone who does target practice for an hour, or maybe you just hear one shot for the entire week and other times you may go several weeks and never hear one. When that happens, I start to drop my guard a little, but then when I hear shots again, I go back into constant anticipation mode. I guess it would be better described as hyper vigilance.
I guess I have 2 issues, I need to learn how to get rid of the anticipation, but I also need to stop the negative thoughts I have when I do hear them. I think things like “why would someone do target practice, if they know it’s going to be so noisy” and stuff like that. I need to create new rules and tell myself “I live in a rural area and that’s what people do”.
Sorry for such a long comment.
Hi, James.
I’m sorry to hear of the suffering you’re going through. You do seem to be caught up in a very painful loop of anticipation before noises happen and reactiveness after they happen. Probably the more you react afterward, the more you convince your brain that these sounds are a genuine threat, which promotes the anticipation of something very unpleasant happening. Which builds up your reaction to the sounds when they happen. The question is, how to break that loop?
Self-compassion is probably the most important thing you can do. It’s a practice I’ve written about a lot on this site, and I’ll let you use the search feature to track down articles I’ve written about it. One self-reassurance technique I’d suggest is to offer yourself reassurance that you are safe. When you find yourself anticipating these gunshots, place a hand on the part of the body where the feelings are strongest, and say something to yourself like “It’s OK. We’re safe. There’s no danger. We’re safe right now. In this moment, everything is OK.”
I’d be interested to hear how you get on.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond to my comment, I really appreciate it. You’re advice is very helpful and I think it will help me with my situation.
Thanks again,
James
You’re welcome, James.
A related option could be purchasing a white noise machine to take the edge off of sudden disruptive noises. I recently purchased an item called the Lectro Fan, which was highly related. I am receiving it today, but the feedback on Amazon was very positive.
I’ve been using the same product during the night for several months, Ben. It’s helped me sleep much better in my rather noisy apartment building. Sometimes I leave it running during the day, just because the sound is soothing.
will this also work when being startled awake as sometimes I find that as it is so sudden I get an adrenaline rush and before i have a bit of mental clarity my mind goes about thinking i’m in danger. This makes it hard to return to sleep. Also wondering if it can be dealt with without compromising instinct in a different situation that may require action.
Hi Jon,
You might want to check out this post on meditation and insomnia. It contains some tips on how to get to sleep.
I can see where you’re coming from with your second question, but actually when we meditate we become more attuned to subtle feelings in the body, and so our intuition becomes stronger. There’s nothing in meditation that inhibits action as such. Meditation helps us to adapt to the things we cannot change, but it leaves us free to change those things we can.
super info. thanks. i have just moved into a new house and am very upset by the train and car noise in the background. even more so as i feel i really should have considered all of these aspects before moving, which of course i did, but some how missed or didn’t notice some much in light of all the other great things about the house.
how can i get over this anger at having “got it wrong” with this move? is there any particular form of meditation you can recommend to deal with this? the noise does not keep me awake so i don’t think that is really the problem.
Thanks,
James
Hi James,
This definitely sounds like a case for lovingkindness (metta) meditation. You could imagine the you that made the decision to move to this particular house, and cultivate lovingkindness toward him, for example. You could also locate the sense of pain that you have when you consider the noise (or the decision) and send lovingkindness to it as well — in effect practicing self-compassion.
It’s a common thing, by the way, to start noticing feeling critical of a new place after first being smitten by it. It’s an odd phenomenon. It’s probably also worth spending time appreciating all the great things you like about the house, so that there’s less mental “bandwidth” available for negative thinking.
Thanks very much the quick reply. I will certainly try the metta meditation as sugested.
I am beginning to feel better things today so I think I am on the right track.
James
Thanks Bodhipaksa for great work (help) to all!
What about dealing with noise of thoughts in my mind?
I am having problem maintaining mindfulness when these chain of thoughts start.. i dont know.
Its frustating because this habit patterns of thinking are extremely adictive & are not ingrained habits.
I have experienced peace in my mind which was so good, but as soon as there some little external distration, eg: relationships with others, etc. I cant avoid thinking all the time, cant do meditation. when i try doing meditation, again thought sway me away and cant keep my concentration anywhere and get irritable.
Hi, Mocowi.
I’d be very wary of that idea “can’t do meditation.” What you’re describing is pretty much everyone’s experience, especially early on — that we sit down to meditate and the mind is flooded with thoughts. The expectation of some kind of perfect meditation is the enemy of progress, and we need to simply keep bringing the mind back to the breath whenever we regain our mindfulness. That moment when you regain your mindfulness (or realize you’ve been distracted) is an important one, because it gives us an opportunity to practice acceptance and to develop kindness toward ourselves. You wouldn’t watch at a baby learning to walk and give it a hard time when it wobbled and fell, so why give yourself a hard time for getting distracted? Just as the important thing is the baby picking itself up again, and learning from its efforts, so with our meditation the important thing is making use of the moments of mindfulness that arise from time to time. Gradually, over time, it becomes easier to pay attention, and we’re less prone to get caught up in thinking (although it’s not something we ever totally overcome).
I’d also suggest you try what I call “broadband” meditation. It may be that you’re paying attention to too narrow a range of sensations, and so you’re leaving too much mental bandwidth available for thinking.
It may also be that you need to do more reflection outside of meditation — sitting down and thinking about your relationships, etc, in a creative way. Say you have recurring thoughts in meditation about a difficult you have with a particular person; you could make a mental note that you’re going to think about that later, and then sit down with a pad of paper and think more about that particular problem and how you might address is. And for “things you need to do” distractions, having a to-do list is very useful. Without a to-do list your mind will keep juggling information in the hopes that you won’t forget it.
My problem is also about sudden extremely loud pounding. However it only happens when I am in rem when I have a tendency to “talk” in my sleep, like sleepwalking, is due to stress. In my many years of experience, the neighbors don’t care about this, in fact, they even took up their rugs, so they can pound the moment I start talking, thereby causing more stress. I try to sleep in the daytime, so as not to disturb them at night, they still pound. There always seems to be someone home and they don’t connect that their pounding makes it worst. I’ve had sleep studies, tried medications and the best advice I can give is to “Let it go.” My doctor advised, many years ago, that at some point my heart will not be able to take the extreme, and also, that when my body/brain really need the rest the noises are incoporated into the dream, have had strange ones due to the noise. It has affected my health, blood pressure and weight. I know that taking to the neighbors would be useless, however it amazes me that people can be so violent to a helpless vunerable being – one who sleeps. I pray and have others pray for them. Meditation always helps and I know this is happening with purpose. Bless all.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’d imagine that if it was possible to move, you’d already have done so. I’d imagine it must be trying for your neighbors as well, since presumably they’re being woken up as well.
May I ask how you know that “talking to the neighbors would be useless”? It seems unreasonable to expect them to understand your situation if they’re not aware of what it is. Communication can help enormously with these kinds of conflicts, which are usually rife with assumptions.
Hi,
This advice has really helped me just by reading it. There has been construction going on outside my window for almost 2 months now, and I have started waking up right before it starts, heart pounding and waiting for the noise to begin. Previous to the construction, I didn’t notice any noise in my apartment, but now I hear everything: people talking, music, etc.
How do I get to the point where I can just tune out the noise or simply incorporate into my sleeping ability?
I am a musician, so I am naturally very sensitive to sound.
I really appreciate your comments about not being angry about the noise, as I have become very stressed and bitter about the noise.
Any suggestions? Would taking up your method of meditation help?
Any comments would be appreciated! Thank you!
Hi, April.
Yes, I think taking up meditation would help. Meditation helps not just with noise, but with anything we find unpleasant, which is why it’s effective in treating stress, depression, and pain. It takes time, but in meditation we learn to accept difficult sensations with equanimity, so that the mind doesn’t react.
I find that the thing is to turn toward what is unpleasant, rather than (as our first instinct often is) to turn away from it or to try to shut it out. By taking an interest in the noise, and by actively paying attention to it — making it the object of our meditation, in fact — we can learn not to react to it. We can get to the point where it’s an emotionally neutral stimulus, and at that point we can tune it out. I recently posted a bunch of meditations that I recorded on a retreat I was leading, and these lead toward the state of equanimity I’m describing. They’re available free, here. I’d recommend working through them, starting from Ease 1 (I’m afraid they’re not otherwise labelled). Ironically, there’s a fair bit of background noise on the recordings, because of fans, and the ambient sounds in and around the retreat center! I hope you can live with that.
I have a problem. I anticipate loud noises, such as a school bell, and unexpected encounters, like opening a door to enter and finding someone coming out at the same time. I usually flinch or jump a bit and feel my heart rate increase immensely. I seem to be becoming more high-strung in this manner (I have not always been this way). Now it seems that it is not as much the loud noises, but rather the sheer anticipation that wrecks me. I do not understand my anxiety, awhile back I was almost mugged but got out of the situation by keeping a cool head and being aware of my surroundings. However, I seem to lose all control while anticipating a buzzer while attending a basketball game.
Hi, Robert.
I’ve suggest making the sense of anticipation itself into an object of meditation. Try standing back and noticing the sensations in the body, the thoughts, and the emotions that are connected with anticipation. Notice it. Take a friendly interest in it. Notice how all those sensations change. And then notice what happens when the noise actually happens.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Hi,
I have very sensitive ears. Sensitive in the sense, I am just not able to sleep if there is noise. I try to shut off the noise by wearing ear plugs. I have been doing so since the past 6 yrs. But it doesn’t help at all.
I have been living in an apartment since 3 yrs and I just cannot stand the ceiling noise. Since it is sudden , I am woken up from my sleep and then I cant sleep at all. The stomping noise makes it unbearable. I feel miserable about this condition of my ears.
Although, I have tried it earlier, I don’t like complaining about the upstairs people or talking to them about it anymore because invariably, they don’t understand and the stomping noise occurs again and again.
Sometimes, I just wish that I could sleep peacefully every night without having to bother about whether there would be any ceiling noise or outside noise etc……
Please help..
I have shifted many places cos of this.. and I am not happy…..
Hi, GSP.
I sympathize. It’s very hard when we find something unbearable and don’t know what we can do about it.
The problem isn’t with your hearing, though. It doesn’t matter how sensitive or insensitive our ears are, it’s how the mind reacts to the noise that makes the sounds we hear into a problem.
One thing meditation does is to train us not to react emotionally and mentally to things that are unpleasant. I’ve meditated and taught meditation in extremely noisy circumstances — from jackhammers to loud conversations — and the sounds have just been part of the experience. There’s been no mental resistance to the sounds, and so they’re not a problem. And it’s not that I, or the people I’ve been meditating with, have a lack of sensitivity in our ears. In fact I have very sensitive hearing.
It takes practice to learn to have equanimity. We have to start just by noticing the thoughts and emotions that arise when we hear sounds. It helps when we decide that sounds are not something we’re going to fight, but that we’re simply going to notice. And when we notice thoughts or emotions of resistance, we have first of all just to let go of them and come back to the raw sensations. Over time, we learn to just allow the sounds to be there. We either notice them, and they don’t bother us, or sometimes we simply tune them out and don’t notice them at all.
As I say, it takes practice. But it’s worth doing.
My problem is when I am asleep if there is a noise even a light one my heart jump and I can feel my heartbeat going really fast and that scares me because I think overtime my heart it’s going to suffer and the after effects could be dangerous. I get really upset about the way my instincts react. How can I solve or improve the problem?
If this is happening while you’re asleep, Marian, then I’m afraid I don’t know what you should do about it. You might want to try hypnotherapy.
This is really hard for me.
I live in a small town where there are a number of churches that sound off their bells every hour, and have a tune twice a day, for at least 10 minutes. Before this, I lived in an apartment on a corner (never a good location in regard to chi,) where city buses and very loud freight train whistles were endless. (It teach me to make a point of avoiding such goods as are shipped by train.)
I’m a student, and during this time, I’m not able to get anything done. The truth is, I need to get things done when I can, because all to often, I give myself breaks.
There is a struggle between intellect and letting go, that being in school makes tough to forget about. Of course, it doesn’t matter in the greater run of things if you flunk out of college with E’s, or graduate magna cum laude.
I am trying to grasp this, to return the well-meant loving kindness of the church goers, and the students who party into the night in my building, on occassion.
May it happen soon enough.
Interesting advice, not least because I am from Glasgow Scotland too, but also because I have had noise issues. Sadly, a lot of my issues arise when I am rudely awoken at night by the washing machine above my bedroom. I tried to apply the mediation technique to this situation. It was really hard. I even went up too the neighbour to complain politely but he was very hostile.
It is possible to do what Carol says but it takes a l ot of patience and acceptance. Despite my meditation routine (which isn’t particularly regular) I was unable to let it go. It made me feel like I was failing in my meditative approach o life. Clearly I was still getting aggravated by small things which caused me to react with impatience and annoyance.
I sleep easier now. :)
Hi there, I came across your site while searching mindfulness and noise. I started a mindfulness practice a little over a week ago and during a meditating in a class we had drills going, telephones ringing nearby, bells ringing, seagulls cawing and I was feeling a lot of anxiety prior to going. I realised the noise was my anxiety being expressed in the outer world to face and embrace my inner buddha began laughing. Now, I come home and we have these neighbours, she has bought a large swimming pool and has the noisiest grandchildren you can ever imagine. Not normal children, of normal level noise but that squealing noise, and not once but it lasts around 3-4 hours every day and summer holidays have not begun yet so at the moment its after school and on weekend. My partner can zone it out but me I get this intense anger boiling in my belly I feel like I am being stabbed by the noise. Do I do the same as above or would you do it differently? It drives me to the point of murder LOL (I wouldn’t but the ego would).
Lovingkindness practice is good for this sort of thing. You could try smiling and imagining what fun it would be to be one of those children. Or you could imagine that these are your children, and that the kind lady next door is babysitting for you and allowing the kids to play in her pool.
Hmmmm I did imagine I was one of the children one day but I have no knowledge of being allowed to make that much noise so found it hard to relate, but thank you, I will sit with this.
How do you suggest to deal with noise that is very negative, such as TV shows or video games that have a lot of screaming, gunfire, cursing, and death sounds? It’s very hard for me to accept this noise without covering it up with music, and sometimes I just don’t feel like covering it up and wish it was quiet. I have been dealing with it by spending time with my roommate whose room is in a quiet area of the apartment, and that is my only relief, but maybe you have some more advice. Thank you.
If you can’t find quiet space, I’de suggest cultivating compassion when you hear these sounds that are associated with suffering. You can then be grateful to the noise for giving you an opportunity to be compassionate, and they won’t bother you as much.
Hello
I’m very happy to have found this! I grew overly sensitive to noises after a new upstairs neighbor moved in. Her noises were really loud, I spoke to her kindly after a few months of suffering. She’s kind and finally installed carpets. My anxiety has gone down over that, as my sleep was disturbed since she’s up all night. Now my downstairs neighbor plays heavy bass music in the evenings, it’s slightly bothersome but I want to accept it and go back to my non anxiety mode regarding ambient noises. I like your metta meditation suggestion and hope it helps my life overall. thanks!
Reading this post raised a question in my mind. I’m only beginning to learn and practice meditation, but I’ve been a music teacher for a long time, and there’s some similarities between learning the two skills. It sounds like Carol lives in an environment that’s very challenging for meditative practice. Might it just be too much, for a person at her stage of developing this skill? I wonder if telling a beginner or novice to embrace this level of noise might be like telling one of my beginning jazz students to try very relaxedly playing a Rachmaninoff piece at a very fast pace. That might be a great goal, but since skills take time and effort to develop, the goal might not be realistic for any but the most advanced student. Could this be the case with Carol?
Hi, Michael. I don’t think the levels of skill involved are comparable. Mainly, what we need when noise is intrusive is to stop trying to tune in out, and start allowing it to be there, paying mindful attention to it. And it helps to have some lovingkindness and compassion for anyone who’s involved in creating the noise. It’s not necessarily easy to do this, but unless we’re able to move to a quieter house, we have to find some way to deal with the noise that’s around us. And in fact it’s spiritually beneficial to have something like this to practice with.
Bodhipaksa: I wonder if the difference in each person’s psychological starting point might vary enough that it’s not possible to say what is too hard or too easy, without knowing the person well, and considering the particularities of their mind? I can imagine that, if a person with a hypersensitive nervous system were placed in a context like Carol’s, they might never be able to make progress toward obtaining a serene mind. Being (not even) a novice, I’m just trying to get my bearings on the culture of meditation instruction, but so far I am a little worried that there is a widespread assumption that no goal of personal transformation is too lofty, and that the individual doesn’t have any real limits if they just try hard enough or have the right technique or something. What do you think?
Well, people do vary a lot, obviously, but having taught meditation to many complete beginners in very noisy circumstances my experience has been that the vast majority of people are able to just allow sounds to be there. I don’t think of it as a particularly lofty goal :)
I just found this article because noise is also my problem. I do just the opposite, I tend to isolate, wear headphones or earplugs all the time, this has become an obsession and almost a phobia. I try not to do it, but I can’t and I get very anxious when I take my noise-canceling headphones off and hear even the slight noise from my neighbours.
I know accepting the noise is the solution, but I don’t know how to do it. Should I go step by step for small periods of time? Should I get rid of my headphones and earplugs right now and even if I suffer a lot, overcome my problem for once and for all? This is excruciating. I am taking Mindfulness lessons, and I can’t practise at home at all because of this.
Any advice would be highly appreciated.
Thanks
It’s very hard to say, Peter. I’d suggest trying short meditations at first without your earplugs and headphones, and gradually extending the time. But perhaps a cold turkey approach would be better. You’ve created a lot of fear for yourself, and perhaps you just need to face the fear and see that it’s unnecessary.
Thank you very much for this helpful information. I have been struggling with loud neighbors for months. I’ve lived in the same flat for 14 years and they moved in more recently below me. One is a drummer and the other never leaves and loved to play his music very loud. They have begun ramping things up around midnight lately and waking me up. I’ve tried asking them to keep it down and sometimes they do. All that changes when they drink. I have been suffering so much with anger over the situation and of course these feelings are keeping me up. I have pretty negative thoughts when this happens. Reminding me of lovingkindness and pointng out that it is not the noise that is keeping me awake but my anxiety really helps. I am going to try very hard tonight to stay mindful and compassionate as I observe my feelings and the sounds. I feel like this practice will eventually give me real peace. Step one: stop waiting for the noise. I have really gotten into the habit of talking about it with friends and anticipating its arrival when I am not even home and that alone twists my center into knots. Thank you helping me start to realign my thinking. Your advice gives me hope.
And leaves me with one question. What if I feel the noise as much as I hear it? Like a vibration.
It’s just the same thing, AE. Just experience it. You can use the vibration as a point of contact for cultivating lovingkindness as well — you’re on one end of the vibration and another human being is on the other end. May both of you be well and happy.
Thank you so much. Your guidance is very helpful and instantly makes me feel more at ease.
then I reasoned that the washing machine was also meditating. .. Amayzing ! ^_^ xD :D .. that is quite super powerful using one’s mind’s path cleverness ! :D shew ! :D :) ^_^
Can you please help me with traffic noise? I live on a fairly busy street during the daytime and the traffic noise just bothers me and irritates me. I can hear it at night, too, but it is quieter. Thank you.
I’d suggest cultivating lovingkindness for the drivers of the vehicles, Sue. They’re just going about their lives, as we all do. Each one of them is a feeling being who wishes to be happy and who finds happiness elusive.
Hello, I came across your site as I’ve been dealing with noise issues in my high-rise condo. I’ve been able to work with a lot of noise in the past as you suggest – traffic, airplane noise, music and voices no longer bother me or wake me. But recently I am hearing loud banging noise for several hours early in the morning. I live in a concrete building so it’s hard to even determine the source and talk with the person(s) causing it. Because it’s a low frequency impact noise of some sort, earplugs and white noise don’t cover it. It’s startling and sporadic, so every time I fall back to sleep I’m awoken by another loud boom type noise. Any suggestions on how to work with this type of loud, sporadic banging noise without be woken over and over? Thank you so much!
When I was visiting some friends not too long ago, Gretchen, I was rather tired after traveling and wanted to have a nap. The condo they lived in was being reroofed, and the roofers were working directly over my head as I lay down. I got to sleep immediately and had a great nap, despite the banging and other noises coming from just a few feet away. What I did was to simply stay with a broad field of awareness, in which I was mindfully attentive both to sensations from the outside world, and from within my own being. I allowed all the sounds around me to simply be. It didn’t matter than the noises were unpredictable. Now this might take a bit of practice, but it does work.
I recently moved into a new apartment. We are constantly hearing the elevator going up and down, as we did not realize that it was right behind our rooms. It is not broken, I inquired, just the way it is in this large apartment building. I feel we were foolish for not noticing this before. Of course, it bothers me the most out of anyone in my family and I am just hoping I get used to it in time. It gets me so angry and tense that we are paying money and not getting any peacefulness. Thanks for your suggestions.
I stumbled upon this thread in a Google search for help in addressing this problem and this advice seems very sound (pardon the pun!)
I’m looking forward to incorporating your suggestions! And I’m bookmarking this page for future, further reference!
Thank you again!
-craig
Any comforting thoughts or insight about my 3/9 posting? I can’t break the lease and have to learn how to deal with this. Thanks!
I don’t think there’s much I can say to you that I haven’t already said above, Justine. I think you’re wise to have the perspective that in time you’ll get used to these sounds.
Thank you. I will try my best.
Hi Bodhipaksa,
I recently moved from a very noisy apartment to a much more quiet apartment in a different neighborhood. However, the people that recently moved in the apartment below me always have frequent visitors almost every night. Everyone that goes in their apartment slams their front door, which causes a tremendous thud below my living room. This sometimes happens multiple times a night. I have talked to them and they have told me that their door doesn’t close properly and they tried to have it fixed. So, they have to forcefully close it every time. Also, their visitors, which include some children, don’t seem mindful of the noise they cause anyway. How do I deal with these frequent loud thuds? I find myself getting angrier and angrier every time it happens?
Hi, John.
You don’t mention if you meditate, and although this is a meditation site I’m going to assume that you don’t and that you were just asking a general question about not getting annoyed with noises. I’d strongly suggest taking up lovingkindness practice, which will help you to be more patient, understanding, and forgiving with the people who live around you. It’s a good antidote to anger. Every sound you hear can act as a reminder of the presence of another human being who, just like you, is struggling to find happiness in a world in which we spend a lot of time suffering.
You can also extend this lovingkindness practice into self-compassion. When you hear the noises and become annoyed, notice where in your body, precisely, the suffering manifests. Then wish it well.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Ok. Thank you Bodhipaksa. I appreciate the feedback. Yes. I do practice meditation, but I have not tried the lovingkindness practice before. I will definitely follow your advice to take up this practice.
Highly appreciated.
John
I’m glad to hear that, John. I regard lovingkindness practice as essential.
hi I had a stroke about 3 months ago been recovering ok ,but the last few weeks I get startled eg dog barking door slamming making me jump well almost out of my skin as I am going for a mri scan later this week am a bit worried about the noise it will create, peter
There’s probably not time before your MRI for you to lose the habit of jumping at noises, so you might want to talk to the hospital about your problem and see whether you might need sedation. It would be a shame to have an MRI done only to find out it was a waste of time because you’d been moving.
hi i would like some advice please on how to sleep deeply during my partners snoring, we have come to the end of the road and sleep separately please help
You don’t mention whether you’ve actually tried any of the suggestions in the article, Niska.
I added a bit more advice but one thing I’d highly recommend is sending thoughts of lovingkindness to your partner as he/she snores.
I live just behind a day centre which last year changed the usage of an elderly centre to a young adults with learning and mental disorders. There is,a young lady there with retts syndrome and she cries out Nurse all day from the time she arrives till she goes home. I am beside myself..on medication and have tried everything. I am getting to the point of being sick of this problem but don’t know what to do…do you have any suggestions pkease
Hi, Janet.
Is your question related to meditation and noise, or just to noise in general? What kind of meditation practice are you doing? Have you tried to practice any of the advice that’s in this article and in the following comments? If so, what were the results?
Because the noise upsets me so much is it really possible to tune it out whilst meditating ? I am about to start cognitive therapy behaviour and I will incorporate meditation in the counselling.Do I just meditate in a quiet place or do I purposely practice mediating with the noise in question what do you suggest please,?
Hi, Janet.
Yes, it’s possible to tune out noise while meditating, but you need to acknowledge the noise and allow it to be there first of all. Only once you’ve accepted the noise and stopped reacting to it can you move on to focusing on something else so that the noise fades out of conscious awareness altogether.
Another thought, Janet. My response to Sam might be helpful, but it would be beneficial if you were to practice being mindful of sounds in other circumstances as well, whether they’re pleasant sounds or less pleasant. If you practice with sounds that you haven’t yet attached so much emotional significance to, they’ll be easier to work with. And the skills of patient acceptance and nonreactivity that you develop will be transferrable to other circumstances.
Thanks for posting this. I am in a garden level studio apartment with a parent, kid and dog wrestling all day above. If I dare sit, the meditation is all about releasing the reaction coming up to the noise. I start to release the tanha, etc that is leading to my irritation and supporting my identification. Then it’s just sitting. Until the next cycle of releasing my next irritation.
Hi, Sam.
I hope you continue to take the risk and dare to sit. At first your effort may well be, as you say, letting go of your reactions to the sounds. But with practice, especially if you learn how to have an expansive awareness of the sounds around you, you’ll find that you can simply let the noise be. There can be various stages:
1. Sit there getting mad at the person or thing making the noise; being completely caught up in reactivity.
2. As above, but when you notice you’re distracted you let go of the reactive thoughts, return to your sensory experience, and consciously allow the body to relax.
3. You may notice a jarring sensation in the body when a sudden sound happens, or perhaps an ongoing unpleasant sensation with a continuous sound, but you accept this with equanimity and the mind doesn’t react.
4. You’re aware of the sound but it doesn’t bother you. In fact it’s simply part of your meditation practice. You may even extend lovingkindness to the source of the noise.
5. You tune out the sound as you become more absorbed in focusing on something else in your experience (e.g. the breathing).
This takes practice, which is why I encourage you to keep sitting.
These qualities of nonreactivity are highly transferrable, by the way, so you’ll find that the benefits extend to other parts of your life.
Thank you for this advice. I am going to try…:)
Thank you very much for your quick response I’m really ready to conquer this and will put into practise your advice
Hi,
I’ve been struggling with anxiety for 11 years now, and it all relates to noisy neighbours: everywhere I’ve lived in that time (four places) has been next door to bad or noisy people — even when they’re quiet, I’m wracked with anxiety because I’m expecting noise.
My anxiety has gotten unbearable lately, after the neighbours have been incredibly noisy, and I’m now on anti-depressants. I haven’t tried meditation yet, but I’m so filled with anger at the people I’m not sure I could feel anything but hatred towards them. However, I also know I can’t keep on like this — I feel upset, fragile, anxious, afraid and more all the time.
Can you suggest the best meditations to start with, please?
I always suggest mindfulness of breathing and lovingkindness practice as the two places to start, Ky.
Hi Bodhipaksa,
Many thanks for your response!
I’m going to read more on this site, and hopefully find a way to help myself be free of my constant anxiety.
Ky
I’m not talking about simple noise. I’m talking about screams as loud as they can be that hurts the ears. Is it really possible to meditate, study, live in harmony while such is happening?
Probably not, Pelapse.
I practice meditation, and it helps me relax when I take that time out, but afterwards I still get overwhelmed too easily. I take stimulant medication, and it has helped, but I will never be perfect. I have ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder characterized by overthinking to a point of absurdity, 2 teenagers, and am taking online college classes. I can not stand any noise except for some study music that I have learned to handle. I like the alpha wave music while studying and am convinced it helps to keep my mind from wondering. I always feel like I am running out of time for something and it makes my frustrations worse. I know that my anxiety seriously affects my memory, and I’m getting ready for midterm exams. I get upset and angry because, I have to read and reread, and have a hard time absorbing the information. I normally have no problem with sounds, and will turn background sounds into a song..but when I am studying it feels immeasurably difficult to think. I have so many things to do in my life, and I don’t have very much help from others, because my family is far away and my friends have their own kids and lives. I ask my kids to be quiet, but the length of time they must be completely silent is too much. They want to sing and laugh and do the things that kids do, but the walls are thin and I can’t just leave. I have tried turning up the concentration music, but I just feel so angry I want to put my fist through the wall..(not that I would, but I want to) I’ve gone to counseling, and understand cognitive behavior therapy, but I feel like noises are louder and more demanding of my attention than my inner dialogue that is reading and haven’t got a clue how to think my way out of being so distracted. This has always been an issue for me, and has caused a lot of frustration. When I am anxious it is usually the exact opposite..at those times my internal dialogue is so loud that I literally do not hear (or process) other people talking to me. I go into myself when I am in public places. Maybe I should get stressed and study in Walmart, because that would be a nightmare?! I get tunnel vision focus when under stress as some type of coping mechanism. The only reason that I assume that I don’t have that at home is because, I am suppose to have control in my home and in my life. I cannot control the strangers in the store, but I can make my children back off and be quiet, so maybe the real issue is that I am a control freak?.. It is as though noise stops my thoughts, but I know that this cannot logically be true. I wish I could just listen and appreciate the noise, but I want to not notice it so much. If you have ever seen the movie Punch, Drunk, Love with Adam Sandler..that is how I feel when I’m trying to study at home!
I’m sorry to hear that you’re suffering, Holly. This is a site about meditation, and the article you’ve commented on is about dealing with noises in meditation. But you didn’t mention meditation in your comment, so I’m assume that you aren’t meditating. Perhaps you should give it a try. It might help you.
I do meditate, and commented about the fact that I meditate and how I can handle noise while meditating, but the lack of residual affect afterwards that I experience. I was relating the article to personal experience in order to understand more about noise, meditation, awareness, presence in moment, etc. I felt that there was an obvious connection that could be related to this article. I apologize.
Oh, boy! It’s right in the first sentence, isn’t it, Holly! Apologies. I obviously hadn’t woken up when I responded.
You didn’t mention how you deal with noise in meditation, and I’m curious about how you deal with this. Are you able to just allow sounds to come and go when you’re sitting? If you are, or if you learn to do that, then you can apply exactly the same principle in your daily life as well.
Is it possible to meditate while a bass from another apartment is vibrating through the walls?
Of course. It might not be easy to drop the reactivity that often arises at times like these, but it’s perfectly possible to have sounds like these be part of our meditation practice, and to be at peace with them. I’ve meditated in some extremely noisy places, and been able to find stillness and calm.
I just moved into an apartment in which the neighbor below is a DJ and either watches TV at a loud volume of blasts his music. This is all late night making it hard to sleep.
Can I do mediation lying down on my bed and use the procedure you describe in order to calm the mind and let the fatigue naturally take it’s course to allow me to fall asleep?
Yes, you can do that, Dan. It can take time to learn to let go of reacting to the noise, and to accept that you can in fact get to sleep even when there are loud sounds around you. It’s not the noise itself that keeps us awake, but our reaction to it.
Thanks so much for writing on a topic that has been so painful in my life! I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and maybe a borderline case of some kind of autism and noise tops the list of symptoms. I struggle so much with anticipatory anxiety with noise issues resulting in sleep deprivation. Now I’m really struggling with my neighbor’s dog barking. The neighbor may take her dog outside and when I’m not done with my sleep and it starts getting light out my anxiety shoots up as I worry if the dog is going to bark or not and thus I can’t get back to sleep. Recently amidst all this obsessing I was awoken by a single bark from the dog on a couple of occasions which spiked my anticipatory anxiety. I was wearing earplugs and had my sound machine on that emits white noise going at the time but the single bark still woke me up. Is the bark waking me up because I’m anxious about dog barking interfering with my sleep? If so, can meditation help me to reduce my sensitivity to the single dog bark (and more than one bark if that happens) enabling me to sleep through dog barking? If there’s nothing I can do about the dog waking me up how am I supposed to find peace in that. I can’t seem to accept having the possibility of my sleep being disturbed every morning. So these questions focus on situational anxiety of actually being woken up by noise, not anticipatory anxiety (of course I need to work on that and you make the case that meditation can help with that).
One other question: It seems that I have control issues with noise where anger pops up. I still don’t understand how I can turn those powerful angry emotions into lovingkindness. Please explain. Thanks!
Hi, Missy.
“…can meditation help me to reduce my sensitivity to the single dog bark (and more than one bark if that happens) enabling me to sleep through dog barking?”
Yes, it’s very likely that meditation can help you reduce your sensitivity to any “disturbance.” By being attentive to sensory stimuli and recognizing that it’s not inevitable that we react — in other words learning that we can accept the sounds around us — we can change our attitudes.
I’d suggest that a “just listening” meditation practice would be useful. This is where we make the sounds around us the object of our meditation practice by being mindfully attentive to them. You can remind yourself, as you listen, that you can’t change sounds, but that you can just allow them to pass through you.
“If there’s nothing I can do about the dog waking me up how am I supposed to find peace in that.”
Waking up isn’t the problem. If you wake up, you can go back to sleep again. It’s believing that there’s something wrong about waking up that keeps us awake. So again, practicing acceptance helps.
“I still don’t understand how I can turn those powerful angry emotions into lovingkindness.”
Well, you don’t literally change one emotion into another. You recognize that you have a choice about what you do with your thoughts, and that your emotions follow your thoughts. Anger may arise, and you may not have a choice about that, but you can choose whether or not to continue having angry thoughts. If you drop the angry thinking, then the anger starts to disappear. But you can also choose to bring in kind or compassionate thoughts. You can wish the dog well. You can recognize that the dog is probably feeling afraid and threatened, which is why it’s barking in the first place. It takes time and practice to continue training yourself like that, but you will start to feel softer and kinder inside if you persevere.
I’m going to try this out. I’m having a hard time with noise..I feel like every sound is amplified once I get into a calm state of mind. Thank you
The important thing to remember is that the problem is not the noise, but our resistance to the noise.
This is wonderful advice, thank you for sharing.
At times the noise is the problem and you should kindly let your neighbors know about it. You can change things sometimes. If something is not okay, say something. Don’t remain a victim.
I agree with you, Scott. The problem, however, is if the noise doesn’t break an ordinance we’re are at the mercy of the neighbors, hoping that they will help. I love that you used the word “kindly.” Being kind will definitely increase the chance that help will be offered. And the police may help facilitate an agreement even if an ordinance is not broken. I (turning to police is supposed to be a last resort).
Again, good solid advice but for those of us who have problems tolerating noise we have to be prepared to deal with it if the noise can’t be eliminated or controlled. Frustratingly, one can be awfully noisy but still be within the ordinance. I so wish noise ordinances were stricter.
One more thing. The following is a message for the site: we should all have the ability to edit and even delete our comments just like it’s set up on sites like YouTube.
That would be a good idea. It’s a shame that the software the site runs on doesn’t allow for that.
Wow, such a helpful article and such wonderful responses to the comments! Thank you! I am from Glasgow myself, so can appreciate how noisy the city centre is.
I struggle with reactivity to noise, specifically my neighbour’s dog barking. This affects me in meditation and outside of it, to the point I have given up meditating because of my reactions and the constant anticipation of noise. I live and work in a small converted garage in the countryside, with just two houses next to me, and there is no noise except for the neighbour’s dog next door barking when it is let outside. It is by no means excessive, it is simply a dog being a dog. However, it startles me, makes my heart race and I can literally feel the cortisol flooding my body when it happens and I know that it is because of the thoughts associated with the noise. It is followed by a barage of negative thoughts, about the house I live in (‘I hate this place, I will never feel at ease here’), the neighbours (‘why don’t they take the dog in as soon as it barks? They must not care about other people, selfish so-and-sos’) and the noise (‘this is never going to stop, what will I do? Should I move? I feel so helpless’). I have resisted putting earplugs in or listening to white noise when it happens, because I feel that is running away from the noise and won’t help, but I can go from feeling pretty good, to hearing the barking and feeling trapped, depressed, fearful and violated. I know it is irrational (I have had dogs myself and know how noisy they can be!) but knowing that does not stop this reactivity that I have somehow catastrophised into a habitual pattern. I would very much appreciate your suggestions on how to deal with this noise that my unconscious mind/ body responds to so violently before my consciousness has even identified it! Thank you Bodhipaksa <3
Hi, Jenny.
The part of your brain that’s producing a reaction in the body before you are even consciously aware anything is going on is doing so based on internalized “rules” or guidelines. It’s possible to deduce what these are by observing what we react to and in what circumstances. So you may have a “rule” that says “I should not be disturbed by unwanted noise while I am at home” or something like that. Your response to hearing a dog barking while you’re walking in a park in the city might be completely different, or indifferent.
Those rules are not hardwired but are established on the basis of previous experiences, thought-patterns, etc. And it’s possible to rewrite them. If you keep sending messages saying things like “Dogs bark, that’s just what they do” or “If I was a dog, I’d be barking right now” — saying these things especially at the times that the dog is barking — then you’re modifying the old rule. I’ve had to do this with other similar annoyances, for example when I’m trying to get my children to hurry. (“It’s developmentally appropriate for children to get distracted and to play.”)
It’s really important that you catch the critical thoughts as quickly as you can and drop it in favor of more accepting thoughts. The critical thoughts are reinforcing the rule…
Developing lovingkindness for the dog and its owners is another way to reprogram your subconscious. They more you consider a dog as a feeling being, the less you think of it as sent to plague you.
I’ve noticed also that people very quickly change their sense of what’s acceptable when they start to participate in the activity they’ve previously found annoying. A lot of people, before they got a mobile phone, found people with cellphones very annoying. Getting your own mobile phone removes the annoyance. It may not be feasible for you to get a dog, but perhaps you could dog-sit for a friend once in a while, and become the “offender” (which means no longer seeing the offense as an offense!).
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Dear Bodhipaksa,
Your comment was so helpful, thank you. You’re so right, I barely notice dogs barking outside my home, but when I’m at home and there is noise, it seems to affect me a million times more. Already I feel an inner ease knowing that my habitual thought patterns are able to be altered and I don’t need to wake every day fearing the arising of the dog’s barking and the associated turmoil. Now when it arises, I can recognise unhelpful thoughts, acknowledge the dog and send it my love, recognising it is only doing what it is meant to do and this is not out of the ordinary or any kind of threat. I have also considered taking that particular dog for a walk, going round and introducing myself to the neighbours and offering to walk their dog when they’re out in the evening. I thought that might allow me to ingratiate myself with the dog, and allow its barks to seem more innocuous and less threatening!
Thank you again,
Jenny
Dear Bodhipaksa,
Thank you so much for your article, I have found it so useful. I have recently moved house and am fairly close to a busy airport. I have found myself, in the past few days, becoming increasingly worked up by the noise of planes in the air. While this was previously just background noise, as it is for most people I imagine, it has now become a source of much anxiety for me, most likely due to my reactions. Now, whenever there is a plane in the air, my full attention goes to it, and I often find myself panicking: increased heart rate, scared thoughts and other unpleasant bodily sensations. What I would do for these planes to once again be completely innocuous! Now they are somehow a source of threat, and because I work from home and they are very frequent, my days are spent in a state of perpetual anxiety whenever one passes in the sky. Please could you provide some insight that may allow me to deal with this once again? I just want to be able to live peacefully, despite the noises around me.
Thank you and much love,
Jess
I’m glad you found the article helpful, Jess. Unfortunately you didn’t say what you tried, and which bits were helpful or unhelpful, so I can only make a guess where it comes to offering more advice. One thing I will say is about the physiological responses you describe. Our natural tendency is to take those as confirmation that there is something really wrong. That’s what gets things spiraling out of control. I’d suggest that you observe those sensations with mindfulness, and simply accept them as sensations like any others. This cuts into the reactive spiral, so that you’re no longer panicking about panicking.
Thanks so much for your reply, and apologies Bodhipaksa, I should have mentioned what I have tried so far. When I hear the sounds, I try to observe them and to view them neutrally. However, my mind comes in and says things like ‘I can’t deal with this, it’s never going to stop. How am I meant to work/ study?’ and then I find myself panicking, feeling helpless, hopeless, trapped and threatened, as if even in the silences between sounds, I am on edge, anticipating them. I have also tried sending my lovingkindness and good wishes to the people in the plane, and wishing them a safe journey which certainly works at times, but when I already have a headache or am anxious, the second I hear the noise, my body goes into panic mode. It is making being at home difficult. What I am trying to do now is view each noise as individual: just looking at it and seeing it as a ticket to enter the present moment (if that makes sense). That also seems to be helpful, but then mind inevitably intervenes and starts craving silence, or a time when the plane noises above were just objects in the background of consciousness as opposed to threatening. Any insight you might have would be greatly appreciated. This article has definitely taken the edge off for me!
Everything you’re doing sounds fine. You’re in the process of retraining your brain, and that takes time. It’s quite probably that on some level you’re expecting an instant fix and see ongoing physiological responses to these sounds as a sign that what you’re doing isn’t working. Ignore that expectation and remind yourself that change takes time.
But also what I just said about accepting the physiological responses is probably going to help as well.
Thank you. I agree that acceptance of the physiological reactions is key. At the moment, I am seeing them as confirmation that there is a threat (as you mentioned). However, there is no threat. Unfortunately what is at best a mild irritation has been turned into something to escape from and obviously, this is impossible! I will keep trying. Thank you again!
It’s always good to remember that the part of your brain that’s generating these physiological responses is like a little kitten that’s afraid of a thunderstorm. Talk to it kindly, and give it reassurance. While our common response is either to tell it it’s stupid or to freak out along with it, what it needs is a calm and loving voice.
Thank you Bodhipaksa. For some reason, I find being kind to myself very difficult, as if this is less important than ‘listening’ to what the physiological sensations are trying to tell me: that there is an imminent threat. Perhaps with some kindness and present moment attention, the hold that these reactions have over me will be lessened significantly.
A lot of people find it hard to be kind to themselves when they’re suffering. So it’s probably best to think in terms that you’re not being kind to yourself, you’re being kind to some frightened thing inside of you.
Dearest Bodhipaksa,
Thank you for your wonderful page, and for the advice you have shared with the people here. I have felt very alone and reading similar experiences from others has been a comfort, and the advice you have shared has made me want to cry with relief.
I have recently moved from the country to a flat in the town centre. I work from home so am here most of the day. There is construction work going on across the road, which is due to continue for the next six months. The banging is sporadic but often gives me a fright. I react instinctively with hateful thoughts, feelings of being in danger, wanting to run away and a flood of adrenaline and racing heart. The noise consumes most of my thoughts. The banging and drilling makes me feel unsafe to the point that I don’t want to be here. It also makes me more sensitive to ambient noises of the road outside, conversations I hear on the street. I just feel like I need total silence. I play white noise and put my headphones on, but that doesn’t help much and almost makes me more fearful of the noise. During meditation and during sleep, I wear earplugs to drown it out. I worry about getting enough sleep because I feel so drained by the end of the day. I realise that it’s all in my mind. I just find it so difficult to accept noises around me that are not under my control, of which there are far more of them in the city. Remaining present seems like a distant dream as my mind jumps to worst case scenarios for the future and the impact this will have on my health. I read once that people who do not feel at home or at peace within themselves search all their lives for a home which will provide them with this peace. I long to be at peace within myself. My nerves are shot.
Please, please help.
Hi, J.
I’ve offered suggestions in the article above. Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but I don’t think you made any reference to having tried to put any of it into practice.
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
Apologies Bodhipaksa, I realise that my message was more like a stream of consciousness. I have tried several of your suggestions, including being kind to the scared part of myself, observing the noise in a non-reactive way, sending loving kindness to the people behind the noise. However, I am finding it so difficult to deal with, especially the seeming constant nature of it. I have chosen to come here because the rent is cheap, but I feel like I am sacrificing my peace of mind. Is it really possible to change one’s perception towards noise? I feel I am failing dreadfully.
Hi, J.
No problem. I just don’t want to end up repeating myself needlessly.
Yes, it is possible to change your relationship with noise, although it’s about more than the noise. As you note above, it’s about changing your relationship to your feelings, by learning to be more accepting of the discomfort you feel when the noise happens, by learning to change your relationship to thoughts so that you let go of thoughts that make you even more unhappy, and changing the way you relate to yourself and your world emotionally — for example by offering yourself compassion when you’re in distress, and even developing an attitude of kindness toward the people who are making the noise.
These things take time, and you can’t expect an overnight disappearance of your distress. You can look for and appreciate even the slightest decrease in your suffering or increase in your ability to be at peace. All I can say is keep practicing!
You’re not failing; you’re making progress at a slower rate than you would ideally like.
Dear Bodhipaksa, Thank you for your words of wisdom above. I have increasingly been seeking out quiet environments in which to live and meditate. I realise that noise is a sore point for me, so I am showing myself some compassion by spending time in nature and silence which, for me, is healing. Currently though, I am visiting family in Scotland and exposed to a lot more noise than usual. Specifically, one of the neighbours has their TV extremely loud, to the point I can work out each word that is spoken. My unconscious reaction is panic and anger – pounding heart, sweating, the desire to flee or scream. I cannot eat, concentrate or meditate when I am around the noise as it is distracting and my entire focus is on it. My mind makes up stories about how dreadfully inconsiderate the neighbours must be and I feel very in danger. Compassion towards them or myself seems very difficult. Do you have any words of wisdom that may assist in feeling at peace when around such loud, intrusive noise, especially when one is as sensitive to noise as I am? Perhaps a mantra that can focus my mind on peace rather than feelings of being in danger? I experienced a turbulent household as a child and feel my brain is wired to respond to noise in such a violent manner. Is this reversible?
With love and gratitude,
Miss J
Hi, Miss J. I’m sorry for the distress you’re experiencing. Modern life can be very challenging.
Your mind is, as you say, interpreting the sounds from the neighbor’s house as a threat, and alarm signals are appearing automatically (heart racing, sweating). Then your mind is (habitually) reacting to those alarm signals by creating anger and stories about how inconsiderate the neighbors are. One thing you can do is to become more mindful of the physical symptoms of fear. Treat them as just any other sensations. Observe them just the same way you would your breathing. The more mental bandwidth goes into observing them, the less is left for reacting to them with storytelling.
Keep dropping the stories. They don’t help you, and in fact add to your distress. The story of the neighbors being inconsiderate makes lots of assumptions about them and just makes you angry. (Maybe in reality they’re a bit deaf, or maybe they’re insecure? Maybe they have no idea how noise travels. Maybe they’re trying to drown out the sound of someone else’s TV? I dunno.)
You’re probably not going to be able to feel any compassion for them until you first feel compassion for the part of yourself that’s suffering. You may be confusing getting upset with being compassionate. If you’re compassionate to the part of you that’s suffering you’ll talk to it in a kind and reassuring way, offering it support and encouragement. So find where the distress is centered in your body and talk to it. How might you comfort a child who was frightened by a thunderstorm? Talk to your own pain the same way. Place a gentle and reassuring hand on that part of the body. Once you’ve offered compassion to the suffering part of yourself it might be possible to have more compassion for the neighbors.
To answer your question about the brain: our brains are not “wired” in the same way that a house is wired. Pathways in the brain change themselves with every thought we have. Some parts of the brain can regulate other parts so that they are less active (that’s what’s going on when you talk to your pain in a reassuring way — your neocortex is regulating your amygdala. By practicing this kind of regulation you rewire the brain. So, yes, you can change how your brain reacts.
you are so full of shit. “appreciate the noise” are you high? just dealing with the noise is not healthy at all, thats the worst thing you could do. go get fucking tinitus you dumbshit.
I’m curious why you chose to write in such a hostile way. What’s going on?
A clear example of someone operating from a low level of consciousness. They seem very angry at the world and the illusion they take themselves to be. Bodhipaksa’s advice has been instrumental to me and no doubt numerous others. Let us not detract from the amazing advice presented here by giving attention to hostility <3
I suspect a high level of pain and someone being at the end of their rope, Miss J. I think we’ve all been there, one way or another.
I’m reading through all of this advice. It’s very good.
My problem is metal gates, which in the wind, smash against the wall in the block of social housing flats I live in. I’ve complained and complained but the problem is still ongoing.
What has changed, however, is my reaction to these bangs. I get more stressed and anxious now than I used to and I have started waiting for the noises to happen. So that’s clear evidence of a change, which is also proof that a potential change in a positive direction is possible too.
After reading the advice here, which makes so much sense, I feel some hope. I’ve saved this blog and I’ve been re-reading the comments and your advice.
Thank you for a great blog post. I am sure you have helped a lot of people already.