For today’s adventure in 100 Days of Lovingkindness I’m going to share a way of relating that I call “loving gaze.” This is borrowed from Jan Chozen Bays, who writes in How to Train a Wild Elephant of the practice of “Loving Eyes.”
In her book she says:
We know how to use loving eyes when we are falling in love, when we see a new baby or a cute animal. Why do we not use loving eyes more often?
So what we can do is to recall, or even just imagine, the experience of looking with loving eyes. You can recall (or imagine) looking at a beloved child, or a lover, or even a pet. I find that the sense of care, and appreciation, and non-judgement is very transferrable, so once you’ve evoked a loving gaze you can turn that sense of looking lovingly upon yourself. As you notice the body, your breathing, your thoughts, etc., you can look at them with loving eyes.
And once you’ve evoked that for yourself, you can now turn your loving gaze upon others: friends, people you don’t know, people you have difficulty with, animals, all beings…
This, I find, is a very quick way to help lovingkindness to emerge.
And when we do this, everything we experience seems to become gentler and softer. The world appears to be a lovelier, sometimes heartbreakingly beautiful, place. Even the ugly bits of life seem beautiful in their ugliness. And we start to realize that the world is our experience of the world, which is not separable from ourselves. And so when we change, the world we perceive changes too. The world of our experience becomes more loving, more tender.
There’s something Chozen says about this that always blows me away:
Seeing with loving eyes is not a one-way experience, nor is it just a visual experience. When we touch something with loving eyes, we bring a certain warmth from our side, but we may also be surprised to feel warmth radiating back to us. We begin to wonder, is everything in the world made of love? And have I been blocking that out? [Emphasis added]
Give it a try, both in your sitting practice and as you go about your daily life. You can start right now, as your eyes scan the words in front of you. Look with love. And then carry that loving gaze into your next activity.
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Hello there Bodhipaksa, I hope this post finds you well, what a wonderful resource you have here, Sadhu. A friend just posted to the study group I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen it. There are so many riches on offer at this time, indeed how fortunate and blessed we are in so many ways . Sorry not to see you next year at Dhanakosa, let me know if your in Scotland visiting. Take care well wishes to you and all ????
Hi Siddhimala.
How lovely to hear from you! I’m well, and I hope you are too.
Thank you for the kind words about the site. It’s a bit of a mixture — some stuff written in haste to meet deadlines, and other stuff the result of deeper reflection and synthesis. It’s always been a bit of a work in progress.
I’m sorry not to be coming to Dhanakosa next summer as well. But I do really need a period of being able to focus on the work I do here (on this site and with my community of supporters) without the major disruption of a teaching trip to Scotland. However I hope to be back the following year, if they’ll have me.
Love,
Bodhipaksa