The tips that follow are aimed at helping you to accept your primary suffering and reduce your secondary suffering.
- See if you can stay in the present moment as much as you can. Whenever you notice that your mind has wandered off into the future or the past, gently bring it back. This doesn’t mean you can’t think about the past or future, but try not to get too caught up with these thoughts.
- Investigate the process you call ‘pain’. You will notice it is in fact a mass of sensations, not a thing. Get to know it as actual, felt experience, rather than getting too caught up with thoughts about it. Notice how it is always changing from one sensation to another, no matter how dense and solid it may feel.
- Move towards the pain. See if you can soften around any resistance you may feel towards it. This is counter-intuitive but if you try to ignore it or push it away, it will just scream louder. Use the breath to help with this (see meditation that follows).
- Kindness and gentleness are crucial. Treat pain as you’d treat an injured loved one. See if you can find a tender attitude of heart.
- Once you have gently acknowledged the pain you can then broaden out your field of awareness to look for any pleasure that is also going on in the moment. Notice experiences such as sun on the skin, being with a loved one, noticing flowers by the bed etc. There will always be something pleasurable in your experience, no matter how subtle. Let the pain be just one of several things you are aware of in the moment.
- With this honest, tender attitude to all the shades of physical, emotional and mental experiences in the present moment you can then choose how you respond to things. This is the point of creativity – how we respond/act in this moment sets up conditions for the next moment. You can always insert a moment of choice no matter how far down the line you’ve gone into distress and anguish.
- Any moment can be an opportunity for learning if we come back to the actual sensations of the present moment rather than getting lost in thoughts and reactions. See if you can let both pain and pleasure be held within this broad perspective: neither contracting tightly against pain nor clinging tightly to pleasure. Allow all sensations to come into being and pass away moment by moment.
Vidyamala’s CDs of guided meditations — developed as part of her Breathworks pain management program — are available for sale in our online store.
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Hi sandy
thanks for writing and the best of luck with everything! It takes time to come to terms with these things, but every bit of mindfulness practice helps!
love Vidyamala
Hi Vidyamala,
This is exactly how I have intuitively lived with 7 years of agonising central cord pain and pain from a highly unstable cervical spine which has resulted in me being completely incapacitated; it's wonderful to see it all here.
If you would not mind I would like to quote these points on my own blog crediting you for writing them so well (https://www.1inspire1.blogspot.com/).
Bless you and all the best in your life's journey's,
Matthew
Hi Matthew
thanks for taking the time to write. It is of course fine for you to quote my points on your blog. Good luck with everything and be as well as possible.
Vidyamala
I would like to thank you for the simple thing of keeping me from allowing my pain from a broken and betrayed heart lead to me becoming vengeful and uncaring towards the world. Yesterday I wanted to kill myself due to all the pain I held inside, but promised myself I would wait at least a week to help sort this all out and decide on such a permanent drastic course. After reading your very short, yet truly insightful reading on pain I have come to realize that not only would it not help me to cause the woman I feel harmed by pain, but that my pain is survivable.
I won't go into the details of it all but I thank you, truly and honestly you have blessed me and I offer you all the heartfelt appreciation I have to give.
Dear Michael
I was so moved by your post and thank you for making the time to write. I hope that some of the pain has eased by the time you read this. It was such a huge moment in my life when I realised that I only experienced my pain one moment at a time. and what's more: the present moment is not only bearable, but potentially immense and bountiful when I stopped fighting and hating my experience. So much of my suffering was being caught up in past and future in my mind (ideas of pain stretching relentlessly into the future etc). But these were just that: ideas. They were not real in terms of my actual experience which only happens one moment at a time.
Good luck to you and may you be as well and happy as possible...in all the moments.
vidyamala
Dear Vidyamala.
I have had pain in my face now for 4years. I have seen ear nose and throat doctor, neurologists, pain specialist, oral surgeon and I have had acupuncture. I have had 3 mris. The pain at times has made me feel like I don't want to live. I am married with two children and there are times that household chores feels to much. With this complaint I sometimes have a week were I don't feel it to much and I think I'm better. I haven't worked for three and a half years and I don't get any incapacity benefit. My husband works hard and I feel useless because I am not bringing any money in. I had a good week last week and I applied for a job as a home carer, I have got a interview next Tuesday. I told my husband. Since then my pain has come back and I don't know what to do. I told my husband that I was very confused about how I felt and he told my more our less to still go for the interview. But I am worried that I won't be able to concentrate because of the pain. I really don't know what to do. I now wish I hadn't to him about it.
Thanks. MICHELLE.
Dear Michelle
Many thanks for writing. It sounds like you have such a lot to deal with and it must be very hard. Maybe just reaching out has helped a little? In my experience I have been surprised sometimes by how little things can help...sometimes we can't change the big things - like having a choice to live free from pain, or change our personal circumstances, but there are lots of tiny little things we can do within the structure of our lives that can make a difference. maybe you could try introducing a body scan into your daily routine just to give you time to let your body relax. Or you could do a 3 minute breathing space every hour. Just 3 minutes stopping can be amazingly calming and rejuvenating. These practices are available from wildmind. Did you go for the job interview? I hope it went well if you did.
thanks again for writing.
vidyamala
Dear Vidyamala,
I'm so pleased to find this site. I've been struggling daily with chronic throat pain and discomfort since swallowing a piece of tough apple peel 'the wrong way' over six months ago. An ENT specialist could find nothing amiss, but instead prescribed a powerful drug normally used to treat neuropathic nerve pain. I felt instinctively that this was wrong. When my GP wanted to triple the dose, I came out of the surgery in tears and decided that I would tail off the drug instead and try gentler methods. I believe the problem will go in its own good time, and filling my system with toxic medication is using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. (And why won't doctors listen to what the patient is actually saying to them?!?)
I've already noticed that during yoga or tai chi classes, the discomfort fades. Yet during ordinary daily activities, I'm struggling. And just this morning I realised that when I try to control the pain - that's when it controls ME. Discovering your site with its gentle advice is a blessing. Every time I feel myself getting angry, fearful or depressed, I will remind myself to practise mindfulness instead! Thank you.
Dear Riana,
many thanks for posting your message on the Wild Mind site. It sounds like you're having a very difficult time and who would have thought that an innocent apple peel could cause so much trouble for so long. It must be very hard to come to terms with this. It sounds really good that you're not hammering your body with medication as the first port of call. And it's interesting that when you do yoga or tai chi the discomfort fades. I'm really pleased that you're finding mindfulness useful and you may be interested to read my book https://www.amazon.com/Living-Well-Pain-Illness-Suffering/dp/1591797470/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1286485171&sr=8-1 or to use the guided meditations that are available here https://shop.wildmind.org/home.php?cat=38. I particularly recommend the body scan to start with as this is such a good way of relaxing the body and coming closer to your actual experience.
Thanks again for writing and I really wish you all the very best,
Vidyamala
Dear Michelle
I recognized my inability to handle discomfort lead to a very disturbing mental civil war. However, after following your tip to dive into pain using my breath I reached a win-win situation as my emotions were acknowledged and I could get on with my purpose.
Thank you Michelle and I believe in you, Tomas