I am a forty-five-year-old woman who suffered a spinal injury thirty years ago that has resulted in a legacy of on-going physical pain. Of course this has been difficult to live with, but some twenty years ago I had a significant experience that radically changed my perspective on life and plunged me into the wonder of living in ‘the present moment’.
I was in an intensive care ward at the time, with an acute deterioration of my condition. I had been bedridden for several months and unable to sit up, but on this occasion I had undergone a diagnostic procedure that required me to sit up for several hours afterwards. During this long night of intense pain I felt myself sliding towards the edge of madness.
I spent hours with two internal voices locked in combat – one voice convinced I could not stay sane till morning and the other willing me to do so. It was an incredibly intense, brittle, heart-breaking experience.
Then, suddenly, my experience completely changed when I heard a quiet inner voice saying: “You don’t have to get through till morning; you only have to get through the present moment”. It was like a house of cards collapsing, revealing the space that had been present all along, if only I could have recognised it. My experience immediately changed from an agonised, contracted state to one that was soft and rich – despite the physical pain. At that moment of relaxing into the present moment, just as it was, I intuitively knew I had tasted something true.
I later found a way of making sense of this experience through the teachings of Buddhism and have spent the past 20 years training my heart and mind, using meditation and mindfulness. I was ordained into the Western Buddhist Order in 1995 and for several years I have taught meditation and mindfulness practice to others who live with pain and illness.
Below are some tips and pointers drawn from the methods I have developed that you mind find helpful if you are living with discomfort or pain. Please explore these as you wish, alongside any other treatments or therapies you may be receiving. Mindfulness practice can ‘complement’ conventional medicine in a helpful way.
She runs courses in Manchester UK for people suffering from chronic pain and illness, teaching them how to optimize quality of life using meditation and other mindfulness-based strategies. She also is involved in running a training program for those wishing to deliver the Breathworks programme in other localities.
She suffered a spinal injury in 1976 and has used meditation and mindfulness to manage her own chronic pain for many years.
Vidyamala’s CDs of guided meditations — developed as part of her Breathworks pain management program — are available for sale in our online store.
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Hi Tom
I am very sorry to hear you have had so much pain to deal with at such a young age. Not easy at all as I know having injured my back at 16. I would suggest you get hold of the book I've written if you can as it has lots of tips etc for coping with pain using mindfulness. It is available from amazon.com Living Well with Pain and Illness: The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering
I have also recorded led meditation practices that are available from wildmind. I would recommend the body scan in particular as a place to start. Good luck Tom! best wishes Vidyamala
hello Vidyamala,
I hope that this message gets to you.
I have had severe chronic pain in the lumbar spine for over a decade. Three years ago, I was very close to dying. A year later I took the
bodhisattva vows. My life changed dramatically. I went on a pilgrimmage. Things broke and broke more. My wife and I split up after almost
thirty years. I know you would know as many here would. I have had the kind of pain that is all
consuming. Pain that if it's untreated would bring you to suicide or pretty close to dying. I wished for death after the 5th year.
I lost more and more. I finally surrendered and let go. completely. It was a scary place and a comforting place and it alternated between the wto worlds
for a long time. A year and a half ago, I began doing yoga. It's become my number one meditation practice.
I am studying Tibetan buddhism. Some tantra with a Rinpoche. need to join a sangha but feel that i am finally coming home again after a long time
lost in the woods. Do you teach courses and if yes, can you tell me when and where. I have been looking for a book like this for a long time.
i do many complementary practices. drumming , shamanism, reiki, Tonglen, etc. they all help. some more than others but the real turning point came when
I started living with the bodhisattva vows and they became the most important part of my life. They are my life's work at this point. They have ginve
meaning to the pain and they have allowed me to transcend and move on. I have a severely disfigured spine from 4 surgeries. but i am letting
go of the anger and coming home. any thing you have to say is appreciated and anything anyone else has to say would also be appreciated.
Namaste,
Brian
I fell down a flight of stairs on 6/6/09. I have a bruised spinal cord in the neck area and two breaks in my lower back. I'm 27 years old with an amazing wife and 14 month old boy. my nerve and back pain was affecting my familes attitude as well. I am pleased to say I've begun my journey of buddhism and have found with meditation my pain does not control me, but only my body. I am new to buddhism and meditation. I have also found some relief with acupuncture. I would appreciate any suggestions in meditation. I feel I am just a beginner and would like to get into a deeper state of meditation. Although pain is a part of my life, through Buddhist techniques I have realized it is not my life anymore, I am lucky to be alive to experience pain. thank you
Mike
chicago il
Hi Michael,
It sounds like you've come through a really bad situation with a great, positive attitude. That's wonderful! It says a lot about the strength of your inner resources. I too have had to live with a lot of physical issues, though mine is more of a chronic nature than from a traumatic injury.
One suggestion I have is to think about how you might use your situation and your pain as a helper/tool in your meditation, rather than something that has to be overcome or endured. What I mean is that pain has a way of raising our awareness of how our body works and what we need to do to take care of it. Think of it this way. I bet you're a lot more aware of things you need to do to maintain a healthy back than you were as a teenager.
When we bring more of our focused awareness of our body, and do it without the judgment/aversion of "pain is bad," it opens up a whole new depth of sensation and awareness that can inform so much more than just managing the pain. For example, on an objective level, I'm far more skilled at things like how to lower my anxiety and/or blood pressure when the heat is on, or how to encourage sleep when insomnia sets in. On a more intuitive level, I'm far more aware of body language, and how emotions play out on a somatic level (and how to manage them better). All these things came as a result of bringing more awareness to my body in meditation. I consider my body one of my best spiritual teachers, as it continually teaches me more and more things about life!
If you're interested in taking your practice to a deeper level, you might also consider signing up for one of the online courses here at Wildmind, or working with me as a personal coach. You can learn more about my work at http://www.mindfulpurpose.com.
Best wishes,
Sunada
Dear Michael,
Thank you for writing in to the Wildmind forum about your own
experience. It certainly sounds like you've had a horrid time with
serious injuries. Time is a great healer, so I hope that in due course
your pain settles down as your injuries heal and that you feel better
and better. Of course every cloud has a silver lining and it's
wonderful that your situation has enabled you to explore other
approaches and find Buddhism. Certainly I have found that meditation
has completely transformed my quality of life even though I have lived
with chronic pain for 30 years. I agree with everything that Sunada
said in her reply to your thread and, without seeming too
self-promoting, I'd recommend that you read the book I've written
which is going to be released in the US in February 2010. It's called
Living Well with Pain and Illness - the mindful way to free yourself
from suffering. I've also recorded quite a number of led meditation
CDs that are available through Wildmind that are particularly aimed at
people who are living with difficulties either physically or mentally,
so I'd recommend you listen to these as well. I do a body scan every
day after lunch which helps me manage my pain through the day hugely,
and I also do a meditation each morning.
Thank you again for writing and I really hope that Buddhism and
meditation continue to give you ever more joy and a sense of meaning
in life.
Vidyamala
This sounds very intriguing. I am intense pain daily from the time I was 11 years old until now at 30... October of 08 I had a spine surgery called arthrodesis of the spine...long story short I now have 21 screws and 2 rods in my spine to correct very bad scoliosis. They had to break my back and cut away all the muscles from the spine to put it back where is was supposed to be. Now only to be left with all of this hardware in my back and discs going bad in the lumbar and cervical spine. I find it hard with the daily pain and medications that dont seem to help to cope taking care of three kids and a husband. It took me four months to learn how to walk again after this, and I still have problems with stability and holding onto stuff. The intense pain I feel everyday has left me to feel like a prisoner in my own body..I can no longer do a lot of things that I used to do and having trouble coping with that. Anything that I can do to alleviate some of this would be helpful. It really sounds like you understand what kind of pain I am in yourself having dealt with spine issues. Thanks for any help!
Hi Tania
I thought I had replied to your post but when I checked the site just now it seems I haven't. I am very sorry about that as my heart went out to you when I read your post. I hope you are not in too much pain as you read this. I know what it is like to feel like a prisoner in your own body - spine things are so central aren't they and seem to affect everything. I can only suggest that you have a go at meditation and calming the mind to see if this gives you some peace of mind. I like to think of it as learning to be 'with' the pain without adding anything through automatic reactions that just lead to more tension, unhappiness, anxiety etc. I also have learned to have a very structured day - using a timer when i work on the computer for example so I never work more than 20 mins. I have prepared a whole range of resources - CDs, a booklet on mindfulness in daily life etc, a bigger book and am just completing a distance learnign 'kit' so people can put themselves through an 8 week programme to learn mindfulness. If you are interested in this write back and I can send the details. Meanwhile, good luck with everything and thanks for writing!
Vidyamala
Dear Vidyamala. I am 57 years of age and 2.5 years ago suffered broken vertebra in a fall. My rehabilitation continues but I am in constant pain day and night, despite lots of prescribed drugs. The pain is not as severe as many I read about but sufficient to trouble me all the time. I have been given acupuncture and physiotherapy and all help relieve the pain but only momentarily. The point I find difficult to reconcile is that externally I look ok (apart from being thin and drawn) so people think I must be ok, but I feel very wretched and suffer with depression. It is thus quite difficult to try to "carry on" a "normal" life when it is such a struggle within. A cousin of mine has directed me to your writings and the hope that mindfulness and meditation may help me. I will explore this with interest and hope it helps. Many thanks
Dear Graham
Many thanks for your post. I do hope that your pain is gradually easing and that your spirits are also slowly lifting. One of the very difficult things about chronic pain is that it is invisible and so people can never know just how draining it is by looking at the externals of a person. You may be interested in reading my book availalbe on: https://www.soundstrue.com/shop/STSearch.do?searchTerm=vidyamala&searchDomain=author&selectedType=All+Products&searchPage=0&selectedComponentGroup=All&selectedItem=bestsellers&type=search and also there are CDs available from wildmind.
This comes with heartfelt good wishes and thanks for writing
Dear Vidyamala,
I wonder if you can help me please? My wife is suffering terrible pain from Trigeminal Neuralgia. I am trying everything I know to try to help and wondered if meditation might ease her pain? It breaks my heart to see her suffering so. She is 60 years old and until now has had an illness free life. She did suffer facial injury in a car accident 40 years ago but the doctors tell us that it could have no bearing on her illness now. I am not so sure?
Please help.
Dear Nigel I apologise for not replying sooner but I was away. I am so very sorry to hear about your wife. It must be very hard for both of you to have this suffering thrust into your lives. I would recommend trying to find medication to get the worst of the pain under control and then trying meditation to work with relaxing around the pain as much as possible and to let go of some of the fight and mental and emotion struggles which inevitably accompany pain. I would recommend the body scan as the best place to start https://shop.wildmind.org/product.php?productid=330&cat=38&page=1 as this is the easiest meditation to do and very gentle. Then she could move onto the other meditations I lead on pain management available from wildmind.
Let me know how you get on and very best wishes
Vidyamala