The Metta Bhavana, or Development of Lovingkindness, practice is one of the most ancient forms of Buddhist practice, one that has been passed down in an unbroken line for over 2,500 years.
We’re often taught as children that we should love others. Religious teachings say, for example, that we should “love others as ourselves.” But how do we learn to love others? And what happens if we don’t particularly like, never mind love, ourselves? Lovingkindness meditation practice is the practical means by which we learn to cultivate love and kindness for ourselves and others.
The practice helps us to actively cultivate kindness towards ourselves and others, so that we become more patient, supportive, accepting, and compassionate.
It’s part of a series of four practices which lead to the arising of:
The metta bhavana is the foundation practice for this series of meditations.
The practice, leading as it does to the realization of compassion, is central to Buddhism, to the extent that the Dalai Lama has said “My religion is kindness.” While this statement may appear almost platitudinous, it’s actually indicative of something profound about spiritual practice.
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Much of our unhappiness comes from the desire to be happy at the expense of others. It’s really very ironic that in grasping after happiness in this way we end up causing ourselves pain. It’s like sticking your hand into what you think is a cool stream in order to find relief on a hot day, only to discover that the water is boiling.
Buddhist theory teaches, and practice demonstrates, that happiness comes from empathizing with others and from seeing their well-being and their suffering as being important as our own.
It’s not that we set aside our own needs entirely and become martyrs in the popular sense of the word, but that we recognize that one of our needs is to help others meet their own needs. In meeting our need to help others meet their needs we find that we become happier: a layer of self-induced (and selfishness-induced) suffering starts to dissolve.
Realizing this and working it out in our lives through the practice of kindness is a major part of Buddhist practice. In fact we could say, as the Dalai Lama implies, that developing a sense of connectedness with others and overcoming selfishness is the essence of the spiritual path.
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Hi,
I have been doing mindfulness of breathing every day for about two weeks now. I have felt great benefit from it.
I have only practiced lovingkindness meditation once or twice, largely, I think, because of time constraints.
Would you recommend alternating sessions of mindfulness and lovingkindness each day, or instead to add lovingkindness onto mindfulness of breathing meditations?
I just worry if i add lovinkindness to my usual breathing meditation I will not be sufficiently focussed on either.
Hi, Paul.
I would recommend doing mindfulness of breathing and metta bhavana on alternate days. They complement each other, and without doing both there's something missing in our practice. Certainly, you won't be focusing on each practice in the same way you would if you were only doing one of them, but if while walking you decided to use one leg, you wouldn't move as effectively as if you decided to alternate your focus and use both :)
All the best,
Bodhipaksa
love the post- and the website, I'm going to bookmark it! Thankfully a Google search led me to find you, and am so glad I did. I am by no means a Buddhist master but I do practice regularly. Lovingkindness has been one of the most helpful forms of meditation for me, so I hope your readers take advantage of the wonderful wisdom you are sharing. I wrote a little about lovingkindness from my perspective, including how it benefited me and some specific instruction on how to practice it. In case you're interested here it is :https://mariewetmore.com/2012/01/25/loving-kindness-meditation-be-happier-kinder-and-more-compassionate/
I look forward to reading more of your posts !
"Sabbe satta bavanthu sukithaththa" is the meththa bavana in a nutshell.
Mean, May all beibgs attain happiness and be free from suffering.
Why do we mark a limit for compassion? Myself, relations, human, animals all can feel the pain. so, we can wish the freedom from both mental and physical forms. That purifies the mind of myself, removing all thoughts on hatred, anger and revange etc.. Start from loving yourself and extend to all living beings with out hanging on blind assumptions(like- Animals are created for our consumption)
May you attain Nibbana soon!!!
I seem to have a target on my head - a target for bullies, intimidators, rude, mean, nasty people that undermine my very being and imbue me with self-doubt and self-loathing. I am loosing all my self confidence and am too afraid to speak in group situations.
I try to be empathetic and caring towards others but there is always someone who seems to b-line to hurt me.
What meditations can I use to overcome my gear of others, remove self-doubt and reclaim my SELF?
I'd suggest that you do a lot of self-metta, Lisa, in order to strengthen your self-confidence and your belief that you are a worthy person. It's great to be empathetic and caring towards others, but this has to be based on inner strength, and not an attempt to win favor or to avoid conflict, which can sometimes happen. There are always going to be bullies, and they tend to look for people who they think are weak in some way. Self-metta may help you to stand up more for yourself, because you'll learn to recognize that your wellbeing and happiness are as important as those of the people around you.
You may need to become more of a spiritual warrior, and if you're at all open to mantra practice, Padmasambhava, Vajrapani, and Manjushri all have warrior characteristics.
You might also want to work with a therapist to help you identify blind spots in relation to the way you relate to others. It's hard to get honesty from people...
Good luck!
Hi Bodhipaksa,
Thank you for having such a great resource. I personally do Loving-Kindness meditation while I walk on the street and do for all sentient beings. I feel as if a great positive energy is leaving my heart area out to people. At the same time I feel good too. In my tradition, I was taught to do Metta Bhavana (Loving-Kindness) after the Anapana Sati or Vipassana or Walking Meditation. I know that it is advised to start with yourself, etc. I started my loving-kindness with Lama Surya Das' version to all sentient beings and not myself first. It seemed to work for me. So, I skipped the step, but I feel fine just doing to all other sentient beings, or my clients in particular. What are your thoughts on skipping the steps?
In my private massage and energy healing practice, I finish the session with Loving-Kindness meditation and the clients seemed to feel much better. I feel rejuvenated as well.
With loving-kindness,
Spencer, the Urban Monk
My blog article:
https://buddhist-meditation-techniques.com/loving-kindness-meditation/
Hi, Spencer.
I'd suggest trying out the practice in the traditional way for a few weeks, and seeing how it goes. I've never tried doing it without cultivating self-metta first, and so I've no first-hand experience of doing it your way, and therefore no first-hand experience of any drawbacks.
If you find there's resistance to doing in this way, then I'd suggest that that in itself is evidence that there's something to work with in relation to your self-view and self-metta. Or maybe there will be no resistance and it'll be a great experience. Either way you win!
Hi Bodhipaksa,
First off, I am finding your site very helpful. Thank you very much for putting it up and communicating with each of us. I have been switching between the Mindfulness and Loving Kindness mediations for about 2 months now, and am finding it very difficult to sit still. I notice that after a couple of minutes, I feel comfort in putting my hand on my face for some reason. Do you know why this is, and is there any type of advice you can give in which I can get over this?
Thanks again
Without talking to you more extensively I couldn't know why you find it hard to sit still. You say you get comfort from putting your hands on your face. Perhaps you're not giving yourself enough emotional reassurance during meditation and so you're having to give it physically? I'm just guessing.
I am finding this website so helpful, so thank you! I'm a newcomer to Buddhism so I'm not familiar with all the lingo and terms yet. I am still finding it difficult to cultivate loving kindness towards those who are so hate-filled and degrading to others. I am trying to look deeper, past their hateful words and attitudes, and connect with them, but it honestly angers me to see others treated so viciously.
Thank you for all the helpful information on your site and please keep it up! People like me need easy to understand instruction.